Who I Am...

I would gladly suffer if it meant another didn't have to

I sit hear asking the Creator to be here for my son after I am gone

To help each of us through our own daily struggles

The battles each of us must face

I tried to shield my children the best I knew how

Hiding our financial struggles and my bouts of depression the best I could

I drank my worries and stresses away until the day I started to cut back

Then like a huge explosion the anxiety burst out and came to light

The darkness of severe depression pulled me under

I had to endure the fight of my life

I had to deal with it the best I could alone

Feelings were not really shared in our family

Mental health was a stigma and college was not talked about

In fact there was a lot not talked about

Except on what we shouldn't talk about and what we needed to keep hidden

The outside world can be a monster that will eat you alive

You can't be soft, you can't show weakness

To this day I don't like others seeing me cry

But maybe that's where I have failed my children

I repeat history playing out the same scenarios that plagued my childhood

As I now try to raise my own children

But I was created for more... I believe the Creator made me to break cycles

He gave me a voice to be carried

He gave me the determination to fight for what I want

He gave me the courage to step up, take a stand, and fight for what is right

And most of all he made me an example unto others...

I have come to terms with what I've had to go through in life

It is so I can help those who have to go through it too

You may ask who am I...

It is not the flaws I have, or the mistakes, or misfortunes you may see

It's not the self confidence I once wore, or the limitations I have now placed on me

The real me goes deeper than what you see... it's who the Creator has made me to be!