Some Days

some days it’s harder

to be that better version

scrambling and flailing

just to be the bigger person

some days it’s tougher

than the previous one

but i still have to do it

because it has already begun

a torrential squall of self-doubt

falls about my ears

and drips from my hair

down my neck into my clothes

some days are unyielding

the minutes stretch upon themselves

they all seem longer i’m no stronger

there are a multitude of hells

some days i don’t even wanna

get out of bed and face the day

am i defined by this insanity

i never wanted it this way

tendrils of self-loathing

lurk in long forgotten shadows

waiting to pounce

as soon as the guard is down

some days more than others

not lulled by their infrequency

i try to put my best foot forward

and be the me that i want to be

some days that best foot forward

ends up in my mouth and my butt

i dug this hole i now reside in

all three of them should have been shut

the perils of self-medicating

try to obscure their intent

as they attempt to tempt me

buzzy flowery shaky half truths