Say I love you

You say, "I love you",

Like it will solve any problem,

Like its isn't a noose, wrapped around my neck,

waiting for me to respond the same with the next words said,

But those words don't feel as they should,

They feel like words said, to cover up our fear,

reassurance instead of acknowledging what is happening here,

Love is a feeling,

in the way you make me feel,

safe, held, accepted and desiring to heal,

But I sit here,

Feeling distant, avoidant, and an abundance of fear,

I feel we are going through the motions,

Maintaining instead of maintenance,

retracting while trying to add patience,

I believe less and less in what those words mean,

Because your actions aren't matching what is typed on the screen,

You listen to respond, if you are even listening,

And I am over here doing the same damn thing,

I ask you for affirmations,

Because I can feel the hesitation,

In every response,

In every kiss,

I feel like we won't acknowledge what we know is,

I am so tired of me being the one who said something wrong,

How your opinions of me fly out your mouth like a song,

How I feel so unseen,

Accepted out of pure necessity,

How my mood is a problem to be fixed,

Something you have to manage,

Something more one of has to give,

Or we just don't anymore,

We don't say those three words,

That are now lined with expectations,

Words that shouldn't need an explanation,

Because we should just know,

We should have just been able to show,

The actions behind those three words,

Instead of it just needing to be something heard,

Like there was meaning behind it,

A safety net,

Away from any confusion,

Away from the delusion,

That everything else is wrong,

The answer to why we don't belong,

So maybe don't say " I love you",

Because at this point, they appear as just words,

Something to be heard,

Ingenuine commentary,

An avoidance of something that seems scary.