𝕾𝖆𝖓𝖙𝖆 𝕮𝖑𝖆𝖜𝖘!

𝕾𝖆𝖓𝖙𝖆 𝕮𝖑𝖆𝖜𝖘!

We’ve all heard of Santa, that “jolly old elf”

Who navigates the globe in a sleigh by himself

Led by a team of nine flying reindeer

And fueled by iced cookies and holiday cheer

He spreads Christmas spirit with bountiful joy

Descending down chimneys with a bag full of toys

and tablets and TVs and puppies galore

An endless delight of cheap crap you adore

. . . This is the tale that you’re told to believe

But it’s a concoction of fiction designed to deceive

And every parent knows it, yet still they persist

In spinning grand yarns of the naughty-nice list

The real story’s darker – and far less heartwarming

And it comes with an N-S-F-W warning

It’s true that Santa is old and immortal

And hangs out with reindeer and elves at the North Pole

But kind he is not, and he’s repulsed by gift-giving

Instead, he pimps hookers and cooks meth for a living

His breath smells abhorrent and his teeth are blood-stained

From his diet of flesh and intestine and brain

Santa’s been un-dead for hundreds of years

What remains is the embodiment of your deepest dark fears

While you lie in your bed and await his brief stop

And listen for reindeer upon your rooftop

Santa has directed his magical ride

To the homes where the naughtiest kids all reside

As sugar-plum fairies prance about in your head

Santa’s making his rounds – and he needs to be fed!

So settle your brains for a long winter’s nap

With a prayer that you won’t become Santa’s next snack!

𝕾𝖜𝖊𝖊𝖙 𝕯𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖒𝖘 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝕸𝖊𝖗𝖗𝖞 𝕮𝖍𝖗𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖒𝖆𝖘!

Be sure to check out the incredible follow-up to this penned by talented poet and author Kelli Sheckler-Amsden