Sameness Of The Lingering Present

I think,

That the positive of this,

Is the future,

The newness that my heart shall nurture,

Nonetheless,

How long will it last?

Until it becomes, once more, the boring present,

or the nostalgic past?

How will I remember these days of prison at last?

"They fall" like boulders,

Smashing all that is, can you hear the blast?

And what is "all that is"?

Can you be more specific?

Or is it just the bigger picture?

What about a small rock causing a massive fissure?

A pebble that became a beach...

What about these thoughts

That insist on clinging to my skin like a leech?

Do they matter?

And this, maybe irrational incomprehensive chatter

Should I listen to it?

My imagination runs wild

Wanting to eradicate this chronic pain

But this imagining business yet runs quite mild

Cause there's no solution provoking a single stain

On this very naughty inner child

Maybe, there is nothing that can be done

So, I'm just here, plotting against Freud

Thinking, that maybe, I'm different

And approaching the undone

But in the end, I am just like any other ant

Mesmerized about all this brain material

Contradictive bullshit

That books already "sang"

Maybe, there is nothing that can be done

So, should I just give up?

and listen to the realistic song

That annoys my ears most days,

That one I force myself not to belong

Perhaps, should let go of the image that I thought my life should be,

And learn to enjoy and find joy in the story that I can actually see

Be grateful, says the world,

Be happy, stop thinking

Says the Internet troll...

I sigh, a million times a day

I sigh, so it fucking goes away

I sigh, and imagine it all dissappearing

But yet, the darkness keeps on starring

Oh my, am I ever gonna be cured

from this chronic sighing and mostly assured?

Again, I say

it shouldn't be that hard

To do the simplest of thinks

Which is breathing and living

However, living stings

So, I insist on just leaving

Cause everybody jumps when it stings, right?

Thus, doesn't seem to be live saving...

You're just running away

From what life really is about, so don't be afraid

No pain, no gain

No cry, no laugh

No solution, no stain

No suffering, no craft

No sting, no living

And fuck, no more of this shit, I've had quite enough!

I think, the positive of this,

Is the future,

The newness that my heart shall nurture,

Nonetheless,

How long will it last?