Running

Runner at heart

But my body stays still

I did manage to move

400 miles away

from what I have known

for the past decade

I left.

I left the responsibilities behind

I didn’t want them anymore

I left.

I left the people behind

I wanted solitude 

I left.

I was drained

I still feel drained

I left.

I didn’t want to give anymore

I don’t want to give any more of me!

So I left.

But even here

I feel the urge to run again

Not forever

But temporarily

very far away

from all I know

What is it?

What is it about what I have and know that chases me

What is it?

What is it that I am still looking for? 

But I stay still.

I want to reach out

to the last person who made me feel warm

Live in ignorant bliss with him for a little while

But I won’t.

I want to run from this life

and create a whole new one

This beautiful life I have been gifted

And now need a break from

But I won’t run

I won’t call him

I’ll stay put

And wait on you, Lord.

Is my staying still

out of perseverance or fear?

That’s a question

I am not sure I want the answer to

What am I running from? 

A life so blissful,

with God the creator

And yet

something feels amiss

You’re supposed to fill me all the way up!

Your bread to keep me full

and take away the desires for all else

Are you calling me to something?

Is that dream resolved

or is it still in progress?

Do I need to be somewhere else but here?

I moved

400 miles away 

I am happy 

But I’m not.

Did you take your warmth just to make me move?

Or is there something else I’m missing?

Lord, why are you quiet?

Lord, please say something!

Lord, are you there??

I am happy

But I’m not

I'm content

But I’m not

I’m missing something

But I’m full

Lord, why are you quiet?