𝕣𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟

afraid to be me

afraid of rejection

happiness taught

to be unattainable

I never knew it though

until he sliced

with uncanny ability

and surgical precision

into my shell

my protection

my hiding place

my unknown suppression

my unknown oppression

my prison

"you aren't good enough"

"you'll never amount to anything"

" you'll never go anywhere"

"you'll never escape"

"you're nothing special"

"don't overestimate your mundaneness"

" you don't deserve it"

"you don't deserve him"

"you're too old"

"you're not attractive enough"

"honestly, you're just not enough"

all of these

and more

mixed with

my hot tears

of a lost lifetime

started trickling

out like tiny

slivers of

my life

a hollow life

spent believing

it all

and becoming

expert level

in sabotage

of my own self

made to shrink

stay small

to not hope

to not dare

to not reach for more

to not believe in my worth

a moment once

stood still

vivid

calling

I answered

then watched

a retreat

under the stars

happiness

something I had lacked

my entire life

my chance to

be a safe place

and to be in a safe place

to protect

and be protected

to nurture

and be nurtured

to love passionately

and to be loved passionately

It all started flowing

from my carefully

compartmentalized

mind files

and now

the gaping slice

bulging and finally

splitting from the

bloodied shrapnel

forcing its way out

of my very soul

the shards of

a life denied by 𝖒𝖊,

fading

in the intense light

of the truth and

melting into

a puddle

with Elohim

seeing

hearing

knowing

answering

planting

a seed

his handprint

etched onto my heart

gently capturing

and bottling

my tears.

💚

Author's note: This isn't a sympathy piece, but an awakening gifted to me. That's how God works. ❤️

I know I'm not not the only one who has unknowingly held themselves back from grabbing the ring of happy so if this speaks to you, don't give up. You're seen. You're heard. You have a silent pain that you don't even understand or recognize, but don't doubt yourself anymore. Believe in your own self. You're worth it. No matter what .

💚