Reborn Through Hamilton

It's a running joke of mine that Hamilton is my religion. I know, most people have heard of the Broadway show that swept the country. But that reputation is well deserved. I had a friend at my Christ in Youth camp (CIY) who introduced me to the song, "Non-Stop" from the musical Hamilton. I was INSTANTLY hooked!!! As I am with most music...But this was different. I'd always loved writing, and hearing the story of Alexander rising from nothing with nothing more than a quill and some ink. It gave me hope for my future, as well as paranoia because I realized I was at risk of being completely forgotten when I died because I had little to no presence...Thanks Alex!

Ironically, that one song gave me more of a spiritual awakening than anything at CIY camp did.

I've never felt all that confident in myself or much of anything I did because of my ADD. (I know it's called ADHD, but I don't have the hyperactivity part!) I was never a straight A student. I'm still not. I had no direction in life. I didn't have a lot of friends. I just drifted through life like a bottle in the sea, carrying a message within, but not knowing myself what it was. I was just always drifting through life not caring about school or socializing or much of anything. Even at my high school graduation, I was just lingering around waiting for it to be done. It was as if the musical was saying I was allowed to exist. I was allowed to make a difference. I was allowed to have a presence.

After endless months of annoying my family with the musical, I took a break from Hamilton, finding new songs and focusing back on going back to school. I forgot about Hamilton temporarily, drowning in self-pity and homework. But then came my freshman year of college. And what college did I pick? The cheapest, easiest one to get into because I thought I wasn't able to get into any better schools. I grew up thinking that once I was in college, I'd be happy. I'd feel content. I'd feel complete. But then, the winter months came. Seasonal depression hit pretty hard, and I wasn't making any one-on-one connections with anyone, being deemed the 'weird one' by some invisible force in society for some unknown reason. Alone. Depressed. Weird. Annoying. Just existing. For what?

But it was during this time that through my alone time, I rediscovered my creativity, as well as my love of Hamilton! I began listening to the musical all over again! I felt inspired, reinvigorated, and just...good again! You never realize how good it feels to feel good until after you've felt down for so long. And finally, I was reminded that I'm worthy. I remembered why I create. I remembered why I'm here again. Thank you, Alexander Hamilton!

A single song,

A set of notes,

About a writer,

About his strokes,

He made with his pen.

He wrote to amend.

He wrote to ascend.

He wrote so others couldn't ever forget.

I hear the song and suddenly,

There's merit to my poetry.

There's merit to the melodies,

I think and write and set to repeat.

Suddenly,

I can be me.

Hamilton's rags to riches story with the stroke of a pen,

giving proof that anyone can ascend,

beyond their circumstances. Even someone as scatterbrained as me.

I could make something of myself with my ideas and my stories.

Finally, a musical of all things, is giving me permission.

Permission that I have a right to make a difference.

A difference that only I can make through my existence.

Non-stop gave me acquiescence.

That I don't have to sit in the background, allowed to live, not just exist.

I matter. I'm valid. But this story has a twist.

I can be overwritten, and no one will ever know I existed.

I have to make difference.

I have to make my mark.

Otherwise my presence could be lost in the dark.

I'm allowed to be.

I'm allowed to be me.

I'm allowed to breathe.

I'm allowed to be.

I'm allowed to experience this life I perceive.

I'm allowed to exist in this world around me.

It took a man who's been dead for 215 to teach that lesson to me.

So let me leave you with this message to keep.

Exist. Because no one else will do it for you.

Never stop living as you.

Never stop creating what you do.

You can stop existing and breathing,

But that doesn't mean you stop living and being.

Live your life and leave behind remnants!

Live your life as well as your death!

Thank you for reading!!!