Pursuit of Absence

Faults picked through waves of nostalgia

Grief laced with happy memories

Lacks a distinction & in the same dimensions

A burden to begin

Appearance as a blessing

Though follow through the avenue

And learn the hex beyond your eyes

Closure is never my forte

Felt in the silence that stands between us

And twisted memories dependant on emotions

Though I feel you’re my truth

Is reality anything but my own?

Awareness settles and repeatedly knocks in my brain

Comfort in beginnings

A time of innocence

& unbeknownst to my ego

You would be my deepest fall

And the greatest pains of compassion

Who knows where I would stand

Now & otherwise

Without the paths

Through which I ran

Despite the lack of consultation

You were mine

Confiding in the early ages

The only one

Who’s love I could never question

You are my truth Mama

You’ve passed a spark I yearn to appropriate

And I grasp without your guidance

Either a wave of success or my absolute end

I will strive for you & prove to you

I’m not a waste of energy

I know you had a doubt of so

But know my awareness has touched the sky

Thanks to you, or the lack thereof

Coping mechanisms have proven useless

The times of need greatest

When I can feel your hold once another

Hopeless and hopeful

You bring me teary joy

And I feel cold