Parenting Neurodivergence
For The Road Drops Here
It is sky, and ice, granite ridges, denuded, unsoiled,
As foreign to their evergreen-cloaked, warm-glow-windowed feet as falling is to flying,
And there, again, are two ways to go,
At the turn of the pasture into the wood,
At the last gate, of the last enclosure,
At the base of the first gushing fall,
At the crest of the first false peak, and again, and again, and again,
Always, there are two ways to go,
And the engine has laboured hard and long and improbably
But to ease would be to feel the slip, slight at first, a point of slowing, a moment,
barely a moment,
Of pause, then the visceral reverse, the gathering speed, a deathly plummet.
The third way.
And so no. The engine labours and and the road divides and they said just keep driving up,
Down in the valley where the wind blows softly and the earth is rich, just keep driving up, it gets steep, but it's worth it.
Was there a different way?
On the backseat, squinting with fatigue and the shadeless sun,
Pieces of my heart beat faster, faster, in the thinning air,
Up is unmade, sliding grit and treacherous stones out along the granite ridge, towards the ice, towards the sky,
And at the end? Will we fall or fly? Or lay this starved heart out to die
While I watch,
And think about how the engine toiled and tell myself I did my best.
Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?
But the road divides.
Drops steeply down,
And steeper still
The cliff below,
So far to fall,
And barely a lip between path and empty space.
But is that the steady grey of stable ground, glimpsed between the evergreens? Is that the gold of turning leaves?
Is that a lamp, left on to guide us home, is that a laugh? A gently winding brook that flows,
And isn't trapped in frozen twists, strangled, contorted, pushing into crevasses
With slow determination, for far too many winters.
We left the whispering trees behind a long time ago,
Telling their story over and over. Just keep driving up.
We tilt.
For a second it could all be undone.
Breathe out, and empty, look your last at that peak.
Knowing all that you know, is it all it should be?
It is sky, too thin for breath.
It is ice, to cold for growth.
It is granite, barren, and hard and comfortless.
And the view is to die for.
Ease off the pedal, and it is quiet. It is still. It is breathing in deep,
Hearing the the the beat of my heart, slowing.
As up gives way to down,
It is the sickening gut plunge of second-guessing.
Perhaps it is feeling the ground, not slipping.
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'20/20'
"Do It Again" the track that would ultimately open the Beach Boys final album on Capitol Records which was released on February 10th 1969 had originally been released as a single in August of 1968. The track was the first of many post-Pet Sounds era throwbacks to the early Beach Boys sound which would become continually more cliched and eventually lead the Beach Boys to the level of self-parody they would eventually succumb to in the 1980s while their closest contemporaries The Beatles nearing the end of their run in 1969 would go on to be viewed as the most influential band of all time. However, the song itself is not bad on its surface, and it opens with a futuristic sounding (for 1969) drumbeat captured by then-Beach Boys engineer Stephen Desper using tape delays on the drums performed by Dennis Wilson and John Guerin. The song has been re-recorded numerous times over the years on various Beach Boys-related projects most notably the 2011 re-recording at Capitol studios featuring the five surviving Beach Boys at the time backed instrumentally by various members of both the Brian Wilson Band and Mike Loves touring "Beach Boys" to promote the then upcoming Beach Boys 50th Anniversary reunion tour in 2012. The hammering and power drill sound at the end of the song was an excerpt from a track called "Workshop" that was to be a part of the uncompleted "SMiLE" album.
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Comments (13)
I can't believe I missed this one!! Belated congrats on placing runner-up in the road drops here challenge!! The "what if you fly" line reminded me by one of my saying: "what if I fall?" "But darling, what if you fly?"
Honestly, I thought I had commented on this already, but well, congrats on placing with this one. I felt the uneasiness for the entirety. I've never been skiing, like Teresa, but felt like I got a suitably realistic simulation through your powerful words, Hannah! Well done!
Wooohooooo congratulations on your win! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
Congratulations on placing in the challenge, Hannah!
The bit that stood out to me was the questioning of ways to go, and whether path would be better, safer, and the uncertainty of it all. Good to see you writing again Hannah, and hope all is well with you and your family😊
This is such a well-written metaphor of the journey of life...and the feelings we have as we go through it. I particularly love the golden leaves!
Well-wrought! As a father of a neurodivergent child, and likely a neurodivergent person myself, I often wonder if it isn't the illusion of neurotypicality that makes the climb so hard.
This is breathtaking! Stunning work, Hannah! 💖🌟
Oh wow, Hannah, what a powerful metaphor for the ups and downs of parenting neurodivergents! As a teacher, I had several students who required special attention and rapport and I just don't know how parents do it. Huge respect, and the poem is absolutely breathtaking!
Well I can no longer say I’ve never skied in my life. I couldn’t have experienced it more! And I love the metaphor; so well expressed Hannah. That part, I can totally relate to. Well done, this is amazing!
Looks like Sam beat me to it. I wanted to say that you managed to make this so profound without being too prosy. You nailed this challenge!
No adjectives can either properly praise or effectively parse this poem. It is life’s truth both raw and polished, a journey the reader willingly takes with you as the air thins and the precariousness of the mountain’s metaphor terrifies. I don’t how you can write anything this solid and real and yet make it so beautiful that I struggle to describe my own emotions in response to it. All I can say is I hope this wins the challenge.
Wow, that was gripping. I'm impressed. But, to be completely upfront... I'm also jealous. The emotional imagery here was perfect. Crisp, weighted, but not over-prosy. As a reader, I felt like I was on a precarious ride-- teetering and anxious. Well done.