Pain from within

Compartmentalizing the pain was easy as my flashes of a once evergreen field slowly turned to dust, now survival is a must. As my heart dries up and my souls turns black will my green color ever come back? Shades of purple to remind me of my struggle. Shades of blue for all the tears cried. Red for the happy Me that was never born but constantly whispering I’m alive. Hiding in the pitch black slowly turns to a sheer cloak over my sorrows. I am no longer invisible! I am for once being seen in all my beauty as a whole showing off all the holes that make up my shell. My beautiful yet fragile and scarred shell ready but scared to leave her own hell. She steps out of the cracks and quickly withers back, she is playing a game of tag not wanting to be tagged back. Back in the darkness where all that’s left is to harness, harness and attempt to control the pain. The pain is a vortex within my caves in chest. I slowly breath in and I feel the pain slash my chest saying don’t let anything out. As I exhale my eyes close and She returns, returns back into her many holes that life has created for her but she has never debated whether to let them continue to devour her. She allows the suffering to take over as her mind is buffering to a conclusion that just ends up being a substitution never a resolution.