Pain

I am in so much pain

Pain that i have been masking for

months since you left.

Months since that text.

Months since i picked up the phone and you said

"What you did was childish"

I went drinking and texted you

because i needed to escape

but the truth was

MY drinking gave you an escape

You left and my heart

shattered

I was not looking for a sugar daddy

someone to give me money

i was just looking for

someone to see me

But i should of known

when you left me in a hotel all alone

When you told me you could never date me

When i cried in a lyft back home

I should of fucking known.

When i asked for an explanation

and your only reply was

I'm at work

I have learned

That if a man wanted to

he would

a little to late because you had already

skated into my heart, like we skated on the ice rink

but soon the ice broke

dashing my illusions in cold water

trembling my soul

I should of known

That nothing good ever reaches my shores

so i should of assumed when you washed up on my beaches

Unfortunate circumstances would soon follow

But I was a fool for you.

A fool for your

warm hugs, gentle words

soft voice, comforting eyes that held my heart

I fucking cried.

That night because i apologized with everything i had left

But you still left.

God

If i had a dollar for everytime

someone said they would stay forever

they could see our future,

I would be one rich mother fucker.

I should of known

I would be in pain

from the time i realized your flirtatious nature

When you would not reply for hours sometimes days

Like my name, face , smile would not cross your mind

As thoughts of you fluttered across mines.

I wish

I could of wished you the best

But my heart bleeds from the endless cords you pulled

The nights in our park that was never really ours

But i digress

because with the pain i feel

if i see you again

Two things might happen.

I might want to run and hug you as tears drench your shoulder

Or I might rip your heart out to replace the one i lost.

Either way

I can say

Men always break the ones,

That were ready to stay.

That my friends was an artpiece full of pain.