Or maybe I am just weird?

I’m not myself anymore. I’m not living my life. I feel as if I’m watching a movie where I’m allowed to pick the options on what’s to happen next. I feel like I’m living the life of a movie character and I’m just there watching their life from behind the camera. I’m numb. I’m out of place. I feel like I am always in a place where I am not wanted. Where I’m not seen nor heard. I’m just kept in everyone’s back pocket as if I am their plan Z if all else fails. Me and the letter Z have a lot in common. We’re normally at the end, rarely at the beginning. We are only talked about if absolutely necessary. Children learn their ABC’s at a young age. A b c d e f g… the list goes on. Then they get to the letter Z. It’s the last letter in the alphabet so it’s the most forgotten. I have always wondered how and why they put the letters in the alphabet the way they did. Now I know. They put them from most to least used. Most important to most ignored. I kind of envy the letter Z. At least it has some sort of use, unlike me. I am useless. I am as useless as an umbrella with holes in it. As useless as a toaster with no bread. As useless as a single shoe. At least they can be fixed. I sadly cannot. I’m stuck on a loop just like a broken record. Making the same small and stupid mistakes over and over and over again. I hate myself for it. Maybe it’s just 1:05 am. Or maybe I am just weird?