No shelter no warmth

Right now, I’m in a state of mind where I just can’t hide. There’s no shelter, no warmth, no one there. That’s just how I feel… I feel as if I’m alone, suffering in the deepest, darkest, cold cave where it’s breezy and the cold whispering of air makes me disappear….

Loneliness, like a baby bird looking for its mother to feed him, like a baby lion cub looking for its mother or shelter in the storm.

Will it ever be okay? Why am I the one suffering all the time? Why can’t my body give me a break? Listen, I didn’t mean to break you, but please don’t break me in the process… I know I haven’t been the best, but please just cope with me.

To my body - I’m still holding on to everything that’s happened to me in the last two years. I wish that I had listened to my gut about love and lust, but I just didn’t.

Today, I feel like I have done more than enough damage. Like a beach after a dusty hurricane, like a city after a gloomy tornado hit. Is it really worth it to fight and put the city (my body) back up?

Can’t anyone hear me? I feel like my tears and shouts are muted. It kind of feels like I’m living in a mute hourglass. No matter how many times I bang the glass hoping that it will shatter, it just doesn’t. No one hears it.

The hourglass from the inside seems like it’s running very slow, almost like a clock with dead batteries that ticks only some of the time. From the outside, everything is rushed, like wind blowing uncontrollably, almost like a tornado is going to hit.

Will this ever get better?

Will that ever be me?

Is this chapter almost ending?