No More Words

Screaming quietly my crying

is made silent by the world

Trying hard to stay unnoticed

trying not to make a sound

Trying not to draw attention

but the beating heart is loud.

Can the other people hear the tears

that fall onto the ground?

Simplistic solutions

crawling underneath my skin

Have to make it back to safety

from the pity smiles and grins

Everything will be ok

Go get some sleep

it could be worse

Get up and stare into the face of

Every Sympathy rehearsed

Every sympathy rehearsed

Words of pity now a curse

There’s barely empathy

for those whose lives

are going in reverse

After I marched with all my signs

Or chant in front of police lines

I have to still pick up the pieces

as my strength and health declines

Living with a heart that's broken

An unwanted empty token

of internalized suppression

From a nightmare that’s unbroken

Sleeping sorrows come tomorrow

leading back to yesterday

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger

Just another cheap cliche

Doing nothing for the pain

Left with heaviness like rain

Pouring out of me all over me

Then driving me Insane

I walk inside a mental cloud

I can’t go on no longer proud

A troubled mind a tortured spirit

Just a face within the crowd

A new day lights up shattered dreams

Of all my hopes now dead, it seems

How did my joy and laughter turn into

A funeral of screams

I am a whisper in the dark

A passing loner in the park

Moving quickly going nowhere

Searching for a little Spark

Of some awareness in creation

giving answers to the lost

Free of payment not expecting

back some monetary cost

Now I must function in a daze

My truth protected from your gaze

I laugh and talk incessantly

To drown the misery that plays

Suffocating motivation

leads to stress and aggravation

Grief is fueled by living nightmares

straight from death’s imagination

I fight I vent I disengage

Outside I must compose myself

I can’t remain inside this cage

Inside my inner child’s in rage

A trauma lives inside my head

It wakes me up when I’m in bed

I toss I turn I try to sleep

The rising sun fills me with dread

Complicated situations where solutions are unknown

I fought through painful trepidation to find answers on my own

But alienated isolation

breeds despair when you’re alone

Can they see how bad I feel

Can they see through my disguise

Can I keep up an existence

Where I’m forced to lie and hide

So go to therapy you may say

Go to a group or join a chat

Go tell your story to someone who cares

to meet you where you’re at

My soul is plagued by shattered memories

I try to leave behind

A raging monster that still follows me

And lives inside my mind

I get up and try to watch out for

all triggers that remind me of

this fire breathing dragon

that still burns me up inside

So many times I’ve fallen down

wishing to just give up and die

But here I am

I cannot kill the hope that forces me to try

I am no longer a true victim

Far too many times I’ve cried

I am more powerful than the abuse

that you disguise and hide

Screaming quietly my crying

was made silent by the world

I tried so hard to stay unnoticed

I tried not to make a sound

I tried not to draw attention

but my beating heart is loud

I am a person that can feel the tears

that fall onto the ground

Simplistic solutions

crawling underneath my skin

Have to make it back to safety

From the pity smiles and grins

Everything will be ok

Go get some sleep it could be worse

Get up and stare into the face of

Every Sympathy rehearsed

But I survived