My Realism

Finally I reached that place again, where the sweet smell of dead dreams & failed attempts at happiness go to die.

Somehow though, I feel at home.

Almost like I always knew I would end up back here, of course I did.

What better place for me to disappear then in the place the world told me I didn't deserve to ever surpass.

Secretly, between you & I, I genuinely tried so hard to be worth more to the world. I would've given up every ounce of happiness just to be accepted.

Given my last breath just to get one small free pass at feeling the way I actually do without hateful judgement.

But that's not realistic.

What is realistic is the pure fact I am expected to be stronger than I am, colder than I ever wanted to be just to survive.

Of course I ended up back here. This place where it all went dark the last time,

I was born here.

I've always been here.

Maybe make believe is all I've ever been good at and day dreaming about a life I'll never live is all I deserve.

I close my eyes & my heart like I have been taught to, although this time I am not reopening them for anyone.