My If-ffiness

Another great idea by Rick!

You can read his piece here:

Here are my responses...

If I were a rich person

I would be free. Free of debt. Free to travel, if I wanted. I probably wouldn't want, but I'd be free to. That's the thing. Free to live anywhere I wanted. Free to write. So many hours freed up every day to think, dream, create, polish. These are the stories I tell myself about money and I wonder how true they are. I think of Jacob Marley with his long chain and I wonder if that isn't the most perfect bit of financial propaganda in 200 years.

If I could fly

I would shit myself, frankly. Especially the first time. But I'd like to think I would be brave enough to try it. Can you imagine it? That first flight. Not knowing if you will actually fly...

... or if you will smash into bloody pieces, your final seconds spent hoping it will be too quick for the pain to register...

... or if you will soar, cold and exultant. Free.

If I were a dog

I would be loyal. I hope I would have a family deserving of it. Nice people who kept me free of fleas and fed me on time. Let me sleep on the sofa. Walked me every day. If I were a dog, my dreams would be small, my prayers humble. I'd be happy, because I'd live in the moment and find easy joy in it.

If I were the moon

I'd keep my secrets.

If I ruled the country

I'd have my government selected by lottery. The NHS would be a protected institution. There would be a four day week. Every office must offer home-working. I'd bring back dog licenses.

If I could be at two places at one time

One of me would always be in bed.

If I were a car

I'd be a shed on wheels.

If I was money

I'd be cold, and probably dirty.

If I were a painting

I'd be a child's painting. Bright colours, bold and careless strokes. Unpretentious. No piffling things like "skill" or "technique" getting in the way of pure expression, without limit or external prodding, or self-consciousness. Unbridled creativity. Unadulterated joy or anger or frustration or curiosity. I'd be wild splodges that are never successfully corralled in neat lines. A cheerful "fuck you", a scribble of anarchy in primary colours. The kind of art we are all patiently taught not to make as soon as we can hold a pen, and eventually taught to sneer at.

If I were to go insane

I think I would be harmless enough. I'd like to be just sane enough to milk it. I'd leave the house in my slippers and stand slightly too close to people. I'd hum loudly and cheerfully and slightly off-key. I'd like to be just mad enough to dance as if no one was watching.

If I were the Prime Minister

I hope it would be a short term.

If I were a good person

I'd be braver. I'd be more self-less. I'd work harder. Guilt would weigh heavier. I would carve less time for myself. I would write less. I'd worry more about what other people thought. I think I'd be more stressed. My life would be shorter, but more people would miss me when it ended.

+ + +

If you would like to do this as well, here are the questions for you:

If I were a rich man (woman or person)

If I could fly

If I were a dog

If I were the moon

If I were the king (queen or ruler)

If I could be at two places at one time

If I were a car

If I was money

If I were a painting

If I were to go insane

If I were the President

If I were a good man (woman, person)

+ + +

Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment to make it easy for me to reciprocate.

Special thanks to Rick Henry Christopher for this fun little spot of introspection. There seems to be a theme running through mine...