My Brain Versus Me

Hey, good morning , what did you say last night?

I bet it was all terrible , and they will start a fight.

Hey, good morning, you ready for the day?

To make all of your dumb mistakes , mess up in every way?

It's this, it's that, no, that's wrong!

God, you can't do anything, and you do not belong!

Hey, why did you say that? What did you even think?

You just can't function right, girl , and I don't think you ever will.

Hey, good night, why are you so done?

You didn't even cook tonight , were only having fun!

You didn't do the dishes , you didn't wash your clothes

Instead you scrolled your Insta and polished all your toes!

Good night, sleep well , you are allowed to rest.

I know I am, in theory, but what if I'm possessed?

Possessed by a demon , "Neurodivergency"

And that little demon is called ADHD.

Sometimes it can be wicked, the way it talks to me

The way my brain keeps saying "that's not the way to be."

The way it keeps on telling me how wrong I really am

I'm lazy, dump and guilty, always filled with shame.

And she is really strong , the demon in my soul

Makes me cry hours in row , or throw plates against the wall.

She makes me clumsy, she makes me too quick

She makes me angry, always on the edge to tick.

And then I feel guilty . Then I feel wrong.

I wanna do it right, I wanna be strong!

Wanna be a good friend, wanna text back more.

Instead I'm either partying or break down on the floor.

Wanna be a good daughter , wanna give back what I can .

Instead I'm always asking . I want, I need, I can't.

Wanna be a good girlfriend , don't wanna put up a fight.

Instead I'm getting paranoid: “You do still love me, right?”

Everyone I love I'm pulling into this

And I can't even stop it , because this is how it is.

This is how I am, and I can work on it

But what I never will is fully, truly fit.

Fit into a world that is not built for me

That wants me to be calmer, just “less ADHD.”

Less not sitting still , less interrupting other's words

Less “I don't remember”, less of those outbursts.

Less random nonstop talking , less “where did I put my key?”

Less late night new ideas. But all that means “less me.”

Less saying what I wanna say , less showing what I think.

More swallowing down feelings , and just go see a shrink.

I wanna get better , I really do!

But please be aware , I'm not doing it for you.

Not for a world like this, a world not built for me.

A world that thinks I'm weird , and that doesn't wanna see.

I'll improve for my parents, I'll improve for my friends.

I'll improve for my darling, and when I'm holding his hands

I wanna feel the love, more than I feel the guilt.

Wanna accept being loved just the way I'm built.

Cause with my people, I know I do belong.

And for my people, I wanna be strong.

It's a long way to get there , but I finally see

That it's the only way to go , and the only way to be me.