metal mouth

a poem about shame and self destruction

By angela hepworthPublished 12 months ago • 2 min read

pain becomes us, and i am no different

i am anguish; i am blackened, crumbled hope

i fear no evil and see no goodness

i exist only to terrorize myself

i exist to exist, one day, no longer

i am heartbroken and crying

on the floor of my apartment

i am begging myself for forgiveness

i am sobbing in the dark

with my face in a pillow

and i do not want to catch my breath

i am exhausted

and cross-fingered for new beginnings

i am laughing at my sins

i am dying every day now

i am desolate and afraid, and a coward,

and i can’t shake the feeling that

it is too late for me

i am the silence that surrounds

me in the night; i thrive within it

i am unfeeling, until i feel it all

i know only my body and my mind,

and i know both weaken me

i wish to discard of this flesh and bone;

i want to set my head aflame

i am the rotted corpses of my loved ones

trudging through the dark

where the streetlights can’t catch me

i am where i knew love once,

and when it left, it did not take me with it

i look in the mirror sometimes

only to shrink back and away

my eyes are black and tired

and my gums are red and swollen

i smile — a lie —

before the glass can shatter before me

i am cold and alone

and my bones are brittle and cracking

i am cracking, too, all but at the seams

i cannot persist without joy, and

i cannot rest without pain; i want to break free

i want to rot and wilt now, not later

i want to know love

in the sweet kiss of death, the smudge of

charcoal on my lips, the bite of shame

cracking my teeth; i am metal mouthed

and smiling, and ashamed of what i’ve become

—

Hey everyone! I’m currently recovering from surgery, which is why I haven’t been super active. I hope to be feeling better and reading/commenting on everyone’s stories soon!

Mental Health sad poetry

About the Creator

angela hepworth

Hello! I’m Angela and I enjoy writing fiction, poetry, reviews, and more. I delve into the dark, the sad, the silly, the sexy, and the stupid. Come check me out!

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Heartfelt and relatable
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Comments (9)

Caitlin Charlton12 months ago
Ooo you’ve spoiled us with this one. Becoming pain, displaying the characteristics of such… and this line ‘I exist only to terrorise myself’ hits harder than a brick because I for sure, was terrorising myself earlier. Only a matter of time before it starts again, giving it a couple of hours. Cross fingered for new beginnings, the shift this line gave the poem made it that much more vivid. I had to pause here for a moment ‘i am unfeeling, until i feel it all’ because, same 😭 ‘i am the rotted corpses of my loved ones’ again, spoiling us. I am a FAN! this line is just too good, no exaggeration it’s quite literally turning this piece into a masterpiece. ‘Can’t persist without joy, can’t rest without pain.’ okay, I just… I thought the bullet of creative, genius lines were going to slow down or stop, but it kept going. This is truly a gem Angela, this whole piece is a gem. I hope you have a speedy recovery 🤗♥️
L.I.E12 months ago
Love how deep and strong feeling your poem is. Hope you have a speedy recovery. ❤️❤️❤️
Dana Crandell12 months ago
Both the poem and the image are powerfully morose! Hoping your recovery is speedy and smooth!
Dharrsheena Raja Segarran12 months ago
Oh wow, your poem was so intense and hard hitting! Loved it. Also, may you have a speedy recovery! 🥰🥰🥰
Kodah12 months ago
Your words are so impactful and profound. Incredibly done! Wishing you a speedy recovery!! 💌🌟💓
Rachel Steinmetz12 months ago
Very deep and heartfelt! I hope you recover easily and feel better!
ᔕᗩᗰ ᕼᗩᖇTY12 months ago
Very emotionally deep! Parts of it definitely resonated with how I feel at times. Great writing!
Alex H Mittelman 12 months ago
Fantastic poem! Very emotional’
Bradley Ramsey12 months ago
First of all, wishing you a speedy recovery from the surgery! Every stanza of this poem hits like a knife straight to the heart. Lines like "I exist to exist," and "i want to set my head aflame" are like the serrated edge of the blade. It's a piece that spirals deeper and deeper into despair, but it's packed with such powerful imagery that I couldn't help but keep reading. The final stanza is also powerful. I loved the use of "metal mouthed." It gave the poem a literal and metaphorical bite right before the conclusion.