Love?

I have a love that consumes me. I know, nobody wants to hear someone’s else’s love story. Not unless it’s fiction. Let me give you the truth on love. I’ll tell you what it’s really like and you all can correct me if need be.

Love isn’t always sunshine. It’s rain and thunder storms, maybe even tornadoes on a bad day. How many bad days will you have? Too many to count. I’d love to sit here and write an epic story that makes you ugly cry because you’re so happy. That’s not a story I have to tell. There are happy parts of love.

Let’s talk about the happy parts. Being absolutely consumed. So consumed it blinds you. Feeling you’re heart ache when the second half of your soul is away, being so happy watching them walk through the door, waiting to just touch them and be so close that it makes your skin burn. I love the way love feels. It’s like a drug and it’s the best damn drug in the world. To love someone so much it makes you want to cry because it feels so good and you’re so happy. It really is amazing isn’t it? How can someone love another person so hard. So much that you forget to love yourself. Everything you do is for them, everything you think about is them. Making love to that person feels like being touched by an angel that was handpicked for you in this world to make you the happiest person alive. Its everything. Love is absolutely everything. Also sometimes it is not.

Now let me ruin you’re mood with the bad parts. Remember that ugly cry line? Try not to do that.

Ugly love. Its love that blinds you. So much that the person you “love” has hurt you so indefinitely and you still can’t walk away. A love that is so unconditional, you let them treat you like garbage and make excuses on why they do it. Letting someone throw you to the ground and stomp you out emotionally like a cigarette is not love. Those “bad days” you think are just bad days, sorry to tell you honey, that is there entire personality being hidden to keep you around. They will give you so little to make sure you don’t leave. The absolute bare minimum will feel like a huge gesture because you are used to nothing. That is what they will give you, nothing. Nothing but trust issues, heart ache, and a terrible personality from being hurt. It’s not you’re fault. It will be ok. When you have to ask yourself, “am I good enough” or “what am I doing wrong”, it’s over. Walk away and save yourself years of heartache and sadness.

I hope you find a love that consumes you and doesn’t hurt. To the people who have found a love that consumes them and hurts them, I’m sorry. I’m also sorry to myself for staying with the love that consumed and hurt me. Do better than me. Be happy. For yourself because you deserve it.