Love and a First Sight

Charred bodies littered the ground. That’s all I saw. That’s all that was there.

Framed by an ashen sky with hearts to match. My first sight was an image of despair.

Ben held it right there in his palms. This video, out loud on his screen.

A rectangular box of - death, I guess. It was the worst thing I’d ever seen.

But that’s not the intent of this tale, here. To horrify. To scar. To depress.

This isn’t a reminder of what hatred can do. Of fear’s remnant and tortured mess.

It’s the story of how, this first sighting, as my eyes watched on in pain,

Can evolve right back - and bigger - into love, as I leaned closer to Ben on our train.

We were on our way back home, you see. From my dad’s straight on to his mom’s.

When he pulled up a video of our absurd, sad world. Showing the aftermath of Russia’s bombs.

Charred bodies of soldiers immortalised, as memories of who they once were.

Dads. Husbands. Dreamers. Whole lives now lost in a blur.

They had loved ones. Loved two’s, I imagine. People who’ll miss them every day and forever.

I looked at Ben as tears filled my eyes, and I clasped our hands together.

Now, I think you should know, it’s important to hear, that when I say this next bit, it’s all true:

I love Ben more than anybody has loved anything. Ever. Anyone. Yes, even you.

And the thought of having him taken, into war or a world somewhere, all alone.

It broke my heart right there on the train, as we passed through the market town, Stone.

Imagine waking up one morning, to the same sunrise, but a different life.

Where one is missing from your own - just taken. And suddenly you’re no longer a sister, a daughter, a wife.

The person you loved most and shared your life with. Gone. Gone. Just like that.

Not there to touch. To snore too much. Nothing but air on the chair where they sat.

The person you wake up to, and hold their head against your heart.

Without them, yeah, your day begins - but it doesn’t ever truly start.

And sitting there, my leg against Ben’s, our fingers tightly entwined.

The thought of him being taken from me? That thought simply charred my mind.

So to her and him and whoever else, who’s lives are now missing a piece.

I’m sorry with the whole of my heart. I hope your pain one day finds its release.

And to you, and you, and all of you, who’ve still got all those that keep them whole.

Kiss their foreheads. Hold their hands. Share chocolate Shreddies from the same bowl.

Graze their cheeks in public. Laugh loudly together in the shop.

Lean your head in their neck on long bus rides home. Love them out loud, in full - and never stop.

Don’t waste this moment: this one right here. Because tomorrow doesn’t always swing by.

So tell them you love them. This instant. Go on. Then kiss the mole just below their left eye.

Because Ben, my Ben, if you see this: let it heal your eyes after the sight that we saw.

Whether in World War 3 or a regular Tuesday at 5. I’ll love you into infinity - and several forever’s more.