losing it

I feel like losing it. I thought I had a hold on it. Smile, Smile.....fake that fucking smile.

It's not the same anymore, no longer enjoying it.

I want to help but I feel stuck, I feel like I am not helping, I'm making it worse.

But I don't understand, I can't seem to put my head around what is wrong with me. Is there something wrong with me, am I going about it the wrong way, did I lose my touch...

I thought I could make a difference, this is making me rethink everything that I know.

Is it me? Is it them?... I don't even know how it came down to this...

Why did I agree to this? If I could have seen the future I would have ran from it a long time ago, no before it even started.

I'm shaking, shaking harder then the thunder rolling in.

I can't break, I wake up screaming...my hand grabbing and reaching for air.

I'm losing it and I know it.

Damn, no one really thinks about you, do they? Why would they?

No one really stops and think "damn what am I doing?"

No it's all about them 24/7.

God, I am so tired, I feel like there a hand around my neck choking me...

- 10.19.19