Loneliness

I wanna be that guy

Hair long

Amber Eyes narrow

Soft and hard

And mellow and sweet

Full of fury,

Red blooded,

Dark red meat.

I wanna be that guy

Smart and shy and full of passion

So full of dreams, so full of life.

It would be normal to stroll around like him, and wink at the one I really adore,

Because he is so good at it without trying,

Because of his swagger

His style

His brains

I want that

I want all of it

I want to be him,

Born so tall and

So wild and angry and free.

The mirror can lie

The reflection is real

But it’s turned upside down

In my heart I’m that guy

In my heart I’m him,

But he’s not real

I wrote him up with a loving hand,

I am him,

Split in half

A split mirror

A split between female/male dreams

I long to be him,

And myself

But I’m feeling that miserable hot sun

Shine everywhere like it was bragging about something loudly to me

The Reflection of my shadowy self is there, I see it growing and shrinking

And pulsing

Gray mindless light.

And the loneliness hits my chest,

Empty yellow wide open