Little One

I knew I would have you years before I did.

I knew you were a boy before the test was even read.

I joyfully made my way to the shop.

I bought the green turtle onesie with that one button that always popped.

I never once stopped to think, “perhaps I should buy pink?”.

I already knew… my natural instincts impressed upon my soul... the life taking form within…. was you… my little one… my precious son.

I intuitively knew, the moment I met YOU would be the most defining one of them all. The moment in time I would finally become….

I was consciously aware of the gravity of you- I would never feel, see, smell, hear, think, intuit, love or behave in the same way ever again… never… not at all.

My sweet little one.

My one and only child, my precious son.

I never imagined just how powerful… the depths of the love that would take root then bloom... the most awe inspiring, mysterious flower the likes of which I have never known.

I was given the most important task…one I never imagined I would receive. God entrusted me with you… your precious life was mine to protect. The highest honor indeed… because of the magnitude of this task bestowed.… I would walk through fire… clear any pyre to keep you from the bloody talons of calamity, uncertainty, catastrophe… any destructive force that might desire to endanger you in anyway, shape or form.

The need to protect is primal. An inner warrior began to mold and take shape. I never dreamt it possible the battles I would have to face just to keep you safe. The lessons hard earned.

Retrospectively, I can honestly say I would do it all again for your sake.

My sweet little one.

I had to learn to look for and become skeptical of intentions made imperceptible… not easily recognizable. I grew to become hyper-aware... to watch, listen for danger…to remain vigilant, always, to any form of peril…. slightest actions insincere.

My senses amplified, I could sniff out the environment for signs of inconsistency… clues to avenues that might be mired incongruently with danger and uncertainty … leading to and allowing for the unnecessary production of fear.

Though, sometimes it proved to be quite hostile.... decisions were made because they were the least caustic. I know, my son, some choices did not always seem like the best… many were downright wrong. Please remember, I only had one thing in mind…. MY TASK... I had to keep you safe... free from harm.

My sweet little one.

Here we are… I would not change a thing. I did my very best to keep you safe and away from the storm. The struggles and hardships… unbelievably surreal. A complete dichotomy from my own early life’s path.

You changed me for the best… I can undoubtedly say. The love- mother/son connection... a bond that can not be undone by anyone or anything ever, not under any circumstance.

For you… my son, I would put my brass plates on and don the paint of a warrior over and over again.

I would let the world tear and rip at my flesh, but for you my precious son… I would fight until I have won and then I would keep going until the war is done.

I will never stop fighting for you…

My sweet little one.

My one and only child, my precious son.