Life's Natural Erraticism

spin me a tale of blood and more

me the crazy old hermit, as so often I am

both metaphorical—literal

As I sit and wonder what may have been

as my anxiety—grips me and strips me of fresh air

in my tale of sin—pain and gore

for days with no end clear in sight

if the decisions I made—small and big

had been different—alternatives

had I won the battle of wills—internal

spin the tale, sin's regale

introspectively, you understand

Would my life's course have been different

and the retrospective regale of my tale

fall on different pathways

it's likely—true

if I had done this, done that, said this, said that

instead of what I did

the tale to pale, pale to face, introvert vs extrovert

would surely have been different

still it's of note that life

life is not made up, not always—at least

of the biggest—significant moments

and that smaller—less significant moments

can still impact and lead you—down paths

you may not have taken

those small decisions, we face each—every day

toast or cereal, coffee or tea

may not be the clincher

that makes you a hooker

on the red-light district

with no identity to speak of

in a town that no one remembers

entranced, silenced, esoteric extraction, exoteric retraction

or that makes you the champion

of your deepest desires, hopes and dreams

a leader of humanity—in craft and field

where everyone knows your name

but

they just might

the truth is, there's no earthly way of knowing

which decisions, offer forward momentum—towards success

or backward projection—a slump of failure

that is why the blessing and curse of our life

is the freedom of choice, we often take for granted

that open-mindedness, mixed with the erratic nature of being

can provide you with all you've ever wanted

can help you reach the mountain topS

or crash you into the ground and drag you down the pit

bath or shower, blonde, red or brunette

long shirt, short skirt, jeans or shorts

kill or maim, embrace, hate or love

could mean you live quietly without danger—no pitfalls at all

trusting your heart over mind, or mind over heart, is never a sure-fire plan

placing duty to those you love and feel indebted to—could still be wrong

and bring you down

but until your heart beats its last—your lungs inhale and exhale their last

carve your innermost desires and dreams—a legacy to keep

though the path may not be sunshine and roses, may be misery and regret

just before you are no more than a carcass or dust in the wind

your decision to follow your dreams or to sacrifice with appreciation, trust and devotion

will give you joy

and leave you with an obituary—testimony of which you can be proud

when decisions are based on love as the driving force

be it love for oneself or—dearest and nearest

real love, deep love

the forgiving, downplaying, bearing, gut-wrenching, hard-to-feel-alone love

those are decisions not made on the flip of a coin or throw of a dice

If I could, would I?

Would you?

It's so easy to say that we would when it's not in play

promises are easy to make, hard to keep

wishful, wistful thinking

Would I, could I choose—to be different

I hope

and not—keep people at a distance

not just as part of a spectacle

in busy restaurants and shops

where I sink—an illusion or apparition

never really there

"Eliot proclaimed all things journey, the sun, moon, morning, noon, afternoon, night and stars, twixt the east and western bars, they all journey, the eclipse is part of that journey. All comes and goes, and we too go with them."

remember,

we chart, our own course through life

time gives us life, time takes us life, time is life

but not our ruler

just our measure

remember,

Life is Art

We are Art

*

Thanks for reading!

Author's Notes: I didn't intend on posting anything today, but oh well. This is my entry into Amanda Starks' awesome Poetry Reimagined Challenge!, which you can find out more about below. The deadline is Feb 9th, so you still have time to enter!

For reference, in line with the goal of the challenge to take underappreciated poems and rework them into something new, below are the links to the poems I used as a basis for this one. I actually used 7. (I asked Amanda if I could use more than one to qualify, and she said yes!)