Let Go Of ME

Like the bird that flies amongst the clouds, I long to be that free. I have been in these walls for far too long just let me be.

Why can't you see the damage over the years you have caused me. The mental abuse, the anguish. The deep sadness that are like invisible scars within. It's almost like a competition that you always have to win.

The silent treatments, even though you were in the wrong. Me trying to share my accomplishments mean nothing to you. I feel like I don't belong.

Since my childhood all the way to the current times you want me to play your rules, you say jump and I say how high? Then more of me dies.

I have had operations and procedures three to be exact and I told you the risks involved heck even at one point you were there when the nurses and doctors told me, but you made it about yourself, and my feelings had to be buried on that shelf in that box where I keep all the heartache you have always caused me.

I try to be understanding, I am not a bad person. I always show my support and offer guidance and advice and still your rip shreds into me with your careless words that cut like ice.

I call to see how you are and you scream, and shout and I am left thinking what have I done this time? The answer is always nothing. I know it's you it always has been.

You may have turned my brother into your recording robot to tell me what you want me to hear, I have been there before. I haven't come down the last shower of rain. You think your avoidance is pain. I used to think it was. But now I find the peace and solace that I have done all I could.

Now I take that deep breath shake my head and carry on with my day. If these are the games, you want to play then I have to walk away. For my own sanity, for my own piece of mind.

I don't wish you harm, you have your demons. I can no longer fight with you. I will talk to you if you ever want to pick up that phone, I will see you if you ever feel the need to visit, but I won't go out of my way to try and seek approval I know I will never find.

We all find out what we need to do overtime. It's time to live my life the way I want it to be. To reach my goals, to seek what I wish to find.

Out of sight is out of mind is what you often say. Maybe I'm out of your mind. But deep down you must be angered you can no longer control every little move I make; I won't be the pawn in your game. I will see the storms and the rain, and I will feel the wind on my face, I will feel freedom that I have always longed for. I will break down the barriers and explore all I ever wanted. Freedom. To be me. To be free.