The pain is just not going to be ignored. It won't allow me to lift my arms, so my range of motion is not taken for granted, either. A long, good sleep is something I long for. But every surface where my arms and shoulders and hips land, causes me to wince. Now, as I type, my fingers and hands remind me that they hurt, too. Fibromyalgia, I hate you!
But there is no "outside" cause of you. You are broken. You thermostat of pain regulation in my innermost...you have gone rogue, if you will. These pills that I take try to fool you. Sometimes they do, but sometimes you are more fierce and foreboding. You are unforgiving. Like tonight.
Tonight my body feels like I have been in the ring with a prize fighter and did NOT win.
And then I look around at my house and see all the mess that waits for me to clean. That taunts me. I'm overwhelmed. I get depressed.
It's hard to make plans because I don't know if I will use all the energy I have on showering. And at times, that happens. Fatigue creeps in.
I sometimes pay the price for doing simple, mundane grocery shopping. Trying to shop, walk aisles, smiling at people in my community and shutting out loud noises can exhaust me, which leads to a flare-up.
I worry that my medicine, Gabapentin will be taken off the market. It is becoming widely used and I'm afraid that some hot-dog somewhere will say it is being abused. It is the only thing that seems to help me, but it's original use was for seizures. It's not even a narcotic.
I have gone days without taking any pill. I only take them if I need them. Flare ups don't happen often. Thank God. And I enjoy life and celebrate each precious moment.
I'm not alone. Here is an article to describe fibromyalgia and another one to share some celebrities that battle it, too.
Yes, I'm feeling a little sorry for myself. But it helps to vent.
If you have fibromyalgia and would like to vent, too....please do in the comments section. I understand :)
About the Creator
Shirley Belk
Mother, Nana, Sister, Cousin, & Aunt who recently retired. RN (Nursing Instructor) who loves to write stories to heal herself and reflect on all the silver linings she has been blessed with :)
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Caudle: Warm Fuzzies
What is the Meaning of Caudle? Merriam-Webster says it is: a drink (as for invalids) usually of warm ale or wine mixed with bread or gruel, eggs, sugar, and spices. (I had never heard of this concoction. I'm thinking that eggnog was probably made to use as a caudle ) But...I was intrigued by the concept of it all, especially after reading all about the history of the associations with the word, "caudle!"
By Shirley Belkabout a year ago in Poets
Comments (11)
There is nothing wrong with self-compassion. Sorry 2 hear of your pain. Tramadol helped me in the past. From one FM Warrior to another I feel you and see you! Prayers 4 your complete healing my friend!
so amazing
Oh dear Shirley… I hope you’re having a reprieve at the moment! I had no idea that you battle this & still manage to write so many wonderful things, while being such an encouragement. ✅ Take care 💖.
Although aches and pains of old age make a good night’s sleep rare, I do not suffer anything like what you describe here. It seems terrifying to me that medicine has yet to discover the cause or anything approaching a cure other than a medicine designed to treat something else altogether. I hope for your sake, Shirley, and others that I know that something approaching true relief is in the offing before too much longer!
Vent away, my friend. I enjoy reading stories of people’s personal experiences with illnesses or struggles; it helps me understand something I don’t have. I hope your body is kind to you more often than it’s not. ❤️
I'm afraid its a very common condition, but some people suffer way worse than others. i have it, it was dismissable at first, now its annoying, but not as bad as what you describe. Pills and more pills...here is to hoping that you feel much better soon.
At first the words on the image was hilarious, but then I recognised that illness, Fibromyalgia. My mother has this, thank you for writing this so I could have a more revised and updated understanding of my mother, and also importantly, a better understanding of YOU. I’m deeply afraid for you that Gabapentin may no longer be on the market, I hope that this is just a fear and that it will not come to pass, but that’s easier said when the world is already so unpredictable. My mother always explain to me that it feels as though, like you’ve explained as well, that having too many things to do in one day can cause a flare up, and so she has to divide her energy well, and that’s not always as clear cut as it sounds - sometimes you just don’t know which task might be too big. But you still do them in hopes you that you have enough energy left and that the flare ups won’t be too bad. Thank you for giving others your comment section to vent, that’s very sweet of you.
I'm so glad you decided to write this to vent. Please know we're all always here if you ever need to vent. Do take care of yourself 🥺❤️
Know that you've readers here with you as you fight this, Shirley. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for sharing how your daily battle. Your positivity and faith get you through them some how. Sending healing prayers your way. 🙏🏽🥰
Oh, Shirley. I'm sorry to hear about your flare up. I have friends with fibromyalgia and I know the pain that they endure, having to control it with drugs. One of them even moved to Australia because it was exacerbated by the grey and wet of Britain. It is good to vent and share. Hope it eases soon and that the drugs remain readily available for a long time to come.