Is This Love, or an Addiction?

There’s no shortcut to getting out of a bad relationship, but you can slowly mend your heart.

First, you must honestly ask yourself: What do I really want from this relationship? Is it companionship, security, material possessions, or some kind of validation? Stop claiming you're simply in love. You can find what you want elsewhere—perhaps even more completely and painlessly.

Second, ask yourself: Why can't I walk away? Is it because you can't bear to part with the memories of when he treated you well? Or can't let go of the pain you felt after being hurt? Or is it because you're used to associating pain with love, believing that love isn't love without it? Only by facing these answers can you find a way out.

Third, if you're truly determined to leave, stop keeping track of him. A new profile picture, a read message without a reply, or a timed message can soften your heart. Don't say you want to let go while secretly checking up on how he's doing. That's not an inability to let go; it's self-torture. You’re just breaking up, not parting ways forever.

You still have to live your life. Don't overdo your emotions, and don't suppress them too deeply. When you want to talk to him, acknowledge that feeling, but don't act on it. It’s just an emotion, not some cosmic command. Give yourself ten minutes, and after that, you'll find the thought begins to fade.

This isn't love; it's more like an addiction. Your brain just can't get used to losing him. Wean yourself off gradually, taking it in fifteen-day intervals, and just keep going. Allow yourself to fail occasionally, but remember to get back up.

Keep yourself busy—not just pretending to be busy, but doing things that truly give you a sense of accomplishment. Find things that make you smile and feel, "I'm awesome." Find motivation outside of yourself to pull yourself out of the past, bit by bit. Listen to friends in healthy relationships and learn how they relate to each other. You'll suddenly realize that everything you've endured wasn't love at all.

Start to understand yourself again, and stop comparing your weaknesses to his strengths. You are good, not because he says you are, but because you inherently deserve gentle treatment. Feelings can be deceiving. Write down his flaws, the things he's done that have wronged you. When the truth is revealed, you'll see clearly that he's not that great.

After this period of time passes, you'll find yourself feeling lighter, your heart no longer clinging to him, and your days will begin to find their own rhythm. You'll rediscover the gentle yet resolute person you once were, before you fell in love with the wrong person. Looking back, you'll understand how brave you were. Even in the most difficult times, you chose to love yourself well.

After you've come to your senses, you'll make better choices, live better, and love better.

Thank you for reading!