Is Loving the Right Person Less About Luck and More About Self-Knowledge?

True "loving the right person" isn't about luck, but about understanding yourself.

Why are you always afraid of "loving the wrong person"?

Many people ask me, "How do I know the person I love is right?" Behind this question lies a core fear: "I'm afraid my efforts will be in vain."

When you're eager to confirm "whether the other person is right," you're actually saying, "I don't believe I'm worthy of being chosen." Anxiety, excessive expectations, and overthinking can make a relationship feel easy at first, but they become a heavy burden later on.

The root cause of choosing the wrong person: Not knowing yourself enough.

In psychological and relationship counseling, what I see most often isn't "misjudging the right person," but rather a fundamental lack of self-understanding.

You might think you are independent and free, but once in a relationship, you become someone who is:

Revolving around the other person

Needing constant security and validation

Controlling, people-pleasing, and over-giving

You didn't love the wrong person; your insecure self chose the wrong way to love.

For a relationship to last, look at two key indicators:

1) Initiative and Curiosity

A person who truly likes you will:

Be willing to make arrangements and give effort.

Want to get closer to your world.

If you are always the one initiating and managing the relationship, that's not love, it's caretaking.

2) Empathy and Respect for Boundaries

The test is simple: When you express your needs, does their reaction sound like:

"I understand how you feel, and I'll adjust."

Or

"You're exaggerating; you're overthinking it."

Whether they can truly hear your feelings determines whether you will feel more at ease or more aggrieved in the long run.

The Most Crucial Indicator

Do you like yourself when you're with them?

Love isn't a test; it's about feeling.

More important than asking, "Is he/she the right person?" is asking:

"Do you like yourself more when you are with him/her?"

If you become tense, anxious, and people-pleasing in the relationship, that's not love, it's draining.

To "love the right person," first do this: Practice living in the present moment, and feel whether the other person can accept your emotions and respect your boundaries.

Because: The right person makes you feel more secure. The wrong person makes you doubt yourself more. Love isn't about proving your worth, but about showing you: You deserve to be understood, seen, and cherished. The more you respect yourself, the less time you'll waste on unworthy people.

If you're wondering, "Should I continue this relationship?"

Ask yourself:

"Does this relationship make me like myself more, or does it make me feel more wronged?"

The answer lies in your feelings.

Thank you for reading!