Instructions for Vanishing

So, I hear you

want to fade away

become see-through.

Unable to perceive if you’re still

in the room.

You want to disappear,

vanish into thin air,

To soften the weight

Of how deeply you care.

Well, I have good news

I’ve been there too

And I can help

You drift away

Step 1 is Stay.

When you start to fade,

when you begin to slip,

don’t be brave.

Don’t try to free yourself

from the fog.

Shrink instead.

Grow small

small enough

to lose it all.

Stay

even when your bones beg

for the relief of leaving.

Stay,

when every cell in your body

screams: go.

When your mind

Is met with the signs

That something’s not right

And the face reflected back

In the mirror paints a picture

Of your decay…

Stay.

And when you have thoughts

You think you want to express

Shut them down because

Step 2 is Say yes.

Say yes

until there’s nothing left.

Say yes

until you bleed

When he asks again,

say yes

until you crack at the seams,

until you forget

where he ends

and you begin.

When your heart says no,

and your body breaks

beneath the weight

Until the abandonment wrecks

every ounce

of Self you kept

say yes.

You’re almost gone now

Less and less of you around

But don’t forget

Step 3 is Don’t rest.

Push past the point

you should’ve stopped.

Rest might keep you here

When your goal is to be gone

So don’t.

When your tears don’t stop,

when you want to drop

when your breath sticks

in your chest,

And you know in your heart

you aren’t your best

put your soul to the test

keep going.

Don’t rest.

Run until you suffocate.

Until every moment is

Infused with hate.

Crawl until your knees

Break and bleed.

Until you can’t even see.

Don’t rest.

If you follow these steps

exactly,

like a ghost-in-training

you’ll see.

You’ll start to vanish

one molecule at a time.

But don’t be afraid.

At least now you have a guide.

Just take a second to assess

this moment…

And if you feel

Like your soul is perishing…

Congratulations,

You’re vanishing.