Inside looking out

I am inside the mirror, I am stuck there and can't find my way out. I see you all out there, living your lives without me. I miss my life outside these walls. I want to come back before I disappear completely. Slipping away from reality, watching it unfold, it's not the first time. Here you go again, stumbling down the rabbit hole, falling into the devil's playground.

Mind is a living hell, flashbacks of when life was good. I miss my kids. I miss me. I fight with myself daily, why can't I just go back. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t. Lacking the discipline that I had built up. Disappointment

I am inside the mirror, screaming at myself to wake up. Can't get my attention… Except my full attention is already there. Paranoid …..

Just wanting to hide, run away, space out and disappear. Needing a sanctuary, time to think, reflect, wake up. Come back to earth, Find yourself, get out of this room, go outside. Appreciate the beauty that is the trees, blue sky, grass, hear the birds chirping, listen to those kids laughing. Come back, see those little smiles, Come back, remember the feeling of the wind blowing in your hair. Singing those songs because it made you feel good. Laughter so real and deep your stomach hurt and your face cramped up from smiling so big.

Who are you now? Where did the happy go lucky girl go? We all miss her, especially me. Too busy living life to worry about what anyone else was doing or thinking. Who are these people who sucked the life out of you? Took you so far away from everything you loved, everything that made you……. you. You keep feeling this way more and more often. You know it's time. Why keep lying to yourself? Why keep prolonging and digging yourself deeper into this rut. Go to sleep, wake up and don't do it again. Be that strong, independent woman you fell in love with. Don't lose her completely. She was so hard to build up. Will I find her again? I must, there is no other viable option. I will get back to being her again, I promise.