Inhibition

I wear black to weddings

and t-shirts to dinner. I promise you

the hat is only on backwards during workouts,

but that's a lie.

Sometimes I do it just because

-

we painted my room and I chose lilac.

Light and airy as the final strokes

of a dried out marker.

-

I watched you work for hours

until you left me in a new place. Thinking

-

purple is the great in-between.

Like me.

-

Rejecting the violent warmth of a red,

soothing the icy expanse of a blue.

I'm not sure when I started to hate it.

-

Being trendy is exhausting

even if you're not trying

constantly to make femininity a habit.

Colors change against you and you

-

compensate

by wearing black

to weddings and t-shirts

to dinner.

-

It was a lifetime ago, but still

when it's dark enough for fireworks

I imagine what I'd say if you asked

me again what to put on the walls.

-

In the end, the answer is always grey.

I think it's time to redecorate.

For too long, I've avoided rainbows.