In the midst of all this racism.

I didn’t experience years and years of slavery

They say I wasn’t there so why should I relate to it...??

I’m not his niece, his daughter

I’m not her cousin, her sister

I shouldn’t care so strongly...??

But I do, why?

I’m HIS colour

I’m HER colour

I’m THEIR colour

And the reason they went through what they did was BECAUSE of their COLOUR

THAT’S the connection.

That’s why I may seem so distant YET feel so close

Because somehow, some way,

They’re a part of ME.

It’s OKAY to feel mentally, physically, emotionally drained

Growing up seeing your kind get BRUTALLY murdered, oppressed and disadvantaged?

Maybe even gone through it YOURSELF.

That has NEVER been easy

It’s a CONSTANT emotional war for us

How being told to “BE STRONG” for years and years still doesn’t help heal the wounds

Still can’t stop the tears

The fear

The hate

The racism.

It’s OKAY to release the pain

Anyhow you can

Anyhow you want to

It’s okay to not “be strong” all the time

It’s okay to grieve for people you’ve never met before but whose lives got cut short because they shared the same skin colour as you.

Take AS LONG as you want

BUT sometime, after that

It’s very important that you

Remember to raise your chin back up high

Remember you ARE strong

Remember you ARE worth it

Remember, it won’t always be like this

We can only hope that

Eventually, in a life after this one, maybe

It WILL be different.

So...

Before they died, I never knew George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, Trayvon Martin, Eric Garner, Philando Castile, Sandra Bland. And SO many more.

But last night, after hours of scrolling through social media, sharing posts, signing petitions- suddenly, I began to cry.

I wept so hard I surprised myself.

I realised that from birth I’ve learned to “understand” that there will always be some people who won’t like me JUST because of my skin colour.

I may get treated badly, I may not get that dream job or contract, I may even lose my life.

And I bottled it all up, trying to be a “strong black girl”. I tried to numb the pain.

But last night, I realised it’s okay to not be strong. It’s okay to weep for your people. It’s okay to take some time to think about how it affects you mentally. It doesn’t matter if we didn’t experience slavery, neither does it matter if we knew them or not. If any one of us, as black people, were in their places, we’d get the exact same treatment. Why? Simply because of our skin colour.

After all, it’s not one that deserves respect, right?

Last night, I decided to write this to encourage us all to release the pain, take all the time you need to mourn, even if you never knew them before.

If you’ve been affected in some way, if seeing all this gives you some sort of anxiety, makes you feel fear, makes you doubt the power and uniqueness of the colour of your skin...take a break from all the scrolling and reading, take time for yourself, to grieve if you need to, and to heal.

Remember, you are most definitely worth it. You can and will get through this.

My prayers are with all the families who have lost a loved one to this unkind system. To those who’ve experienced racism in one way or the other and to those who’ve grown up feeling uncomfortable in their own skin.

It’s not a crime to feel, to breakdown and to build back up.

Let’s remember to love others and most importantly love ourselves- in the midst of all this racism.