In like a lion, out like a lamb

I heard that it takes time.

To cleanse out the pain, the anger, and the grime

I heard it’s okay to take as much of it as you need.

From all the influencers all over my Instagram feed

People that, apparently, have been in similar shoes,

Had been hurt, betrayed, and paid their dues.

It was comforting seeing them in the same boat,

Until they all seemed to get off, while I couldn’t stay afloat.

Their “long time” it took to heal,

Made me think they got a better deal.

Cause I was still in the same boat as before

While all of them were happily on shore.

Why was it taking me so much longer?

Is everyone else just that much stronger?

Or did he just fuck me up beyond repair?

Did they not fully heal? Were they unaware?

That I read somewhere that it can take over two years…

Just to heal your nervous system from being in constant fear.

Out of nowhere, without a second thought,

I got a feeling I was sure I would’ve fought.

But instead, I welcomed it with open arms.

And in my head, I couldn’t hear any alarms.

It wasn’t annoying or tacky, like love at first sight.

It was simply a break from my fight or flight.

A water break during practice in the summer heat.

The hardest part of a diet and you get a little treat.

The first ‘going under’ in the ocean of the summer season.

A feeling that makes you question if there’s a reason.

A feeling I thought I had forever lost,

So why now? Why so suddenly? And at what cost?

Am I in the eye of the storm, with worse yet to come?

Or are you the one that is going to defrost the numb?

Because I would’ve sworn, I would have fought this feeling harder.

Did I not learn my lesson? Do I think this time I’ll be smarter?

Why doesn’t it feel scary or serious or fake?

It’s like no matter the outcome, it won’t be a mistake.

You show patience, understanding and a feeling of peace.

It’s been a harsh and deadly winter, and you’re a wraparound fleece.

When I think too hard, I still scare myself cold.

But it doesn’t spook you, as you grab my hand to hold.

You were in that same boat as me,

Are we just a distraction, should we set each other free?

Cause we both fear that pain,

And don’t think we’ll survive feeling it again.

And I’m scared as hell,

And you are too, it’s easy to tell.

But if we both run,

Does that mean that they won?

Should we stick it out, maybe just out of spite?

I expect the worst… but what if it ends up alright?