If I could be a different animal

I wanted claws and strength

And ruggedness

And freedom

I sure as hell did NOT want to be human

I could have practiced my howl

In preparation for the day

When I’d be reborn, as something less cringe than a man

And the wolf seemed so stoic,

So loyal

And clever

I had these traits already, I was almost there

I also had a ravenous appetite,

I’d gorge

Until my gut was distended

Bloated and

Wolflike

I felt I could be one, in another life

And all through my adulthood I felt an odd camaraderie with these wilder dogs

I’d dream most nights of running beneath the pines

Feeling the earth coursing beneath the pads of my feet

Tasting the full and fresh air, as the wind swept my face

Then I’d wake and walk the world,

I’d seek the wilder places

I would step with a little more vigor

I’d turn my face to the cold, let my senses grow keen

I began to think:

Maybe the domestics that bark so loud

And bare their teeth whenever I pass by

Maybe they are sensing

The wolf in me

For what else would these

Leashed and collared and servile canines

Have to fear, except a contemptuous, spiritual reminder of all the nobility they have lost

But it wasn’t nobility I held,

These dogs only growled at the smell of pretense:

I was never a wolf

I’m far too meek!

I’m far too soft, far too weak

They were closer than I,

These stunted and cowed descendants of the gray, these labs and pugs and beagles and gentle retrievers,

They were all closer to the wolf than I would ever be

Not only in form, but also in spirit

For I am not, nor will I ever be a hunter

I am not fierce

I am only a scavenger

But not so clever or proud as the Raven

Nor so cold

There is only one animal who really gets my soul:

The one who wears a cliche robbers mask

Who rakes his paws through day old trash,

The idiot who’s too smart for his own good

He who climbs into places that he never should

And the one who snatches thrown away morsels

In his greedy little claws

The one who scoffs at all our trespassing laws

That’s right, as a man who fucking loves to dumpster dive

I should be reborn a trash panda when I die

Because I think I’d give the whole moon

If I could just live the simple life

Of

A

Raccoon

***

Author’s note: I feel a personal, spiritual sort of brotherhood with lots of animals, but none so much as the raccoon.

Here’s a story written after I rescued one from a dumpster:

And here’s a playlist of music I bet raccoons would jam out to if they weren’t so afraid of human noises: