I wrote a letter to you

I wrote a letter to you

But you'll never read it

You'll never even know

Because I never gave it to you

And I never will

I let all of my emotions go into that letter

All of our memories that I remember are in the letter to you

Our fights, our compliments, our words, and our past

I won't give it to you in the future, the one we'll never have

Because you might see a piece of me you've never seen before

And I don't want to know what you will think of me after

We both moved on forever all of a sudden when we never wanted to

Every once in a while our memories come and take over my thoughts

Because you made a big impact on me and my life

You taught me many things

We were young and didn't prepare or expect what would happen after

Sometimes I sit and think if you still think about me

As you grew older did you read in between the lines and like me less and less

Or do you remember the good times and hope I never changed

If I could go back and change some things

I wouldn't

Those things are very important in everything

It shows how we grew up

If we relived those moments now

How much different would they be

We used to say words with no worry

We never had to think too much with out fear of being judged

But now would we have to?

I never thought I would think so much of an old childhood friend

Now we still follow each other on social media

I saw you last year

We barely talked

Why did things change?

We both went our own ways

I don't think we'll go back to the old ways

Maybe it's for the better

But I can't seem to wonder

Can't seem to forget

Can't seem to think

Was I wrong about you

Did I just think you were great because you were always there

Because you left scars and marks

That I ignored because it was you who made them

But if its the truth

I am avoiding

By not reading the letter

Because I don't want to see that side of you

Maybe I also had that side

I loved our memories then

But if someone asked to have it again

I don't know if I would say yes

For your own sake

And for mine

Now there could be someone to you like how you were to me

Not one for me now

Because I don't allow it

I don't want it to happen again

Even though I still think about the fun times

How you were always there for me

I don't want it again

At least not now

Maybe one day I'll burn the letter

The memories are already engraved in my brain

But in order for things to get better

They must become worse

Maybe I am just dramatic

Maybe I am just holding on to something I should let go of forever

But before I do that

I wrote you a letter

You'll never see it

And I never want to read it again

It won't make everything than go away

I can't pretend like it never happened

Because it did

All of the words I thought of were written in the letter

Now I can let go of the letter and hide it in the back of my closet for now

Hopefully I can let go of my thoughts

As long as I am not holding on to the letter

- Mariam