I Wished You Were Dead
But I never said it
Shut your face
inner ramblings
voices in my head
hold your tongue
zip your lips
i never said it
but wanted to
i wished you were dead
my awful thoughts
rehearsed scripts
*
Race for the doorway
flight's request
a frozen fool
stood, zoned in trance
arm's reach
yet puzzled
how love feels like danger
eyes covered by wool
i flinch instinctively
you're unpredictable
is this your confession
mi amor, why your anger?
*
Overhead punches
wall dents
hits meant for me
unruly temper
least, flesh feels no pain
cover for you
yes, i did
out of fear
fear, time and again
does it even count
if no one else can see?
*
Unsaid in hindsight
spared me a worse fate
yet, i screamed in silence
when fists turned red
lies to self
to lie to you better
hoping to deter your violence
inner replays
turned up the volume
still, i never said it
i dared not
i couldn't
but i wished you were dead
***
Author's Note: recollections of my unspoken words during an abusive relationship.
About the Creator
Marilyn Glover
Poet, writer, & editor, writing to uplift humanity. A Spiritual person who practices Reiki and finds inspiration in nature.
Mother of four, grandmother of two, British American dual citizen living in the States
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Where's the Glory?
In breaking news, rehabilitated Republican Senator Johnnie Johnson (Pronouns: HE, HIM, HIS) called a press conference from the Men’s room of the New Orleans Louis Armstrong International Airport, Concourse B, across from the Ignatius Reilly’s Lucky Dog stand. The Senator had just returned from a sexual reorientation rehabilitation program in Memphis, TN after being publically disgraced at a Buckee’s Truckstop restroom soliciting sex from an undercover cop three months ago. He is a founding member of the Reformed Christians for Christ, a conservative, pro-family and ex-gay advocacy group. In the spirit of being reborn, Senator Johnson invited reporters to marvel at his plans for a major remodeling of airport bathrooms.
By Cathy Schieffelin5 days ago in Humor
Comments (11)
Beautiful punchy. I loved the tone this was written in. We need this nail scraping grittiness when we are up against these thoughts in our heads. I like the way you chose to describe these thoughts in our heads, they really are like 'rehearsed scripts' repeated over and over again. I like how the imagery of the thoughts in our heads turned into an abuser partner. 'overhead punches... Wall dents' Oh... I'm so sorry Marilyn. 'Lies to self to lie to you better' wow, not only is this a VERY good line. It sucks, it sucks so bad to be in the position you were in. To the point where you have to lie to yourself, that's pain, that's suffering.
This is so heavy and raw. Remarkable work, Marilyn.
Powerful! So sorry!❤️
I know it's a memory you'll never forget, but I hope time has healed the pain at least a little bit. I'm sorry for the suffering your ex put you and your family through. I don't blame you for wanting him dead, I don't think anyone would. But you strike me as someone who has so much more love than hate, and I hope the world returns that love to you. Because you deserve it ❤️
This hit me so hard, especially to know you went through this. Sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️
Cold comfort knowing that it's his own impotence which renders him thus.
Damn Marilyn. I am so sorry you had to go through anything like this. I’m glad you escaped this situation. Nobody should live like that. This was an amazing piece of work.
Marilyn, I’m so sorry you had to go through this. This was a brutally honest and deeply powerful piece, and your thoughts and feelings were absolutely valid. ♥️
This is quite an emotional thought that we all have said to ourselves many times and if it did actually happen after saying or thinking it that is where it can get confusing and feeling guilty. Good job.
I feel you on this. If we are being abused, it's natural to want it to simply end. I enjoyed every part of this, even the way you format your stanzas with caps to begin them and then all small letters for every line afterwards. It's a pleasure to know you and share our stories. ⚡💙⚡
So sorry you went through this. It's tough recalling painful memories. getting it out is part of the healing process. Can't lie, I've said this about someone once. Someone who existed just to cause problems for others. Sometimes we think life would be so much easier if they were gone. Great entry, Marilyn.