I understand.

You think I don't understand you

but I do

Or maybe I don't , but this is what I know:

I know what it's like to be alone , to lose yourself, have nothing left in you to give. You want to love but you gave all of it away, people took it away from you. Perhaps you gave the last bit of you to another, and they ran away with it. Your love was so strong they couldn't help but take it with them.

Maybe you loved too hard ,pure unfiltered love constantly pouring out of you, so much that people couldn't help but feast on it , so loving that you let them, hoping someone would see you, see all your love, but they never looked up as they took it all from you. They were only there to eat and leave.

Now You stand alone left unseen

Abandoned

Good people come along

But not for long

Because being alone for so long left you cold

You're stuck

Frozen

You wish you had something you could give to those that you know you love. You want to hold things close but you don't have any strength left to grip, to hold on, so you have to watch everything you love drift away, because of the way they see you , or barely see you, since you're so distant. They make you feel like you're not enough, but you're giving everything you have, but what you have is so little to them, even though to you it's everything you have.

You wish just saying I love you was enough, but it will never be.

A pain so overwhelming your mind is afraid of those who try to stay, because you know some day they'll say they no longer want to stay.

Your brain would rather stay in this freeze state than try to escape it, because you're just trying to survive. Your disconnection is what keeps you barely alive, when you start to feel, everyday it feels like you're dying, there's so much dismay.

You want to show up for others but you're busy trying to just show up for yourself. That selfishness will save you. That's where I abandoned myself. I continued to give when I had nothing left, tearing pieces of myself off , hurting myself, desperate to be enough, but I could never give enough and in the end all that was what was left of me were the parts no one wanted, not even myself, and everyday I wonder if I will ever get to be whole again.

I'm sorry if I ever make you feel like you're not doing enough , it hurts me when you don't show up , but just know every time you're not there I do think of every time you were. Whenever I'm waiting I'm thinking about the times you called, and that's why I continue to wait for you.