I remember—
for the "This is How I Remember it" challenge
I remember—
one cramped bedroom,
seven siblings,
a slew of strangers
never leaving with the rats.
Each morning, a shadowy lump
sprawled atop that leathery sofa.
His urban threads
illuminating;
His smooth complexion
radiating
Amid bleak sunrises
emanating,
generating blue-black shine
through our apartment.
I remember stale human fumes,
a miasma around that sofa,
—that decayed, despisd sofa—
reeking of met
and unmet desires;
leeching love from our apartment.
I remember crouching behind that blackened sofa,
clutching siblings two and four,
my winces matching time
to a stranger’s wallops
—and I can still hear those endless wallops—
dull thuds absorbed
into the fabric of our hiding spot.
Greeting the world in unison,
I remember siblings five, six,
seven,
squealing at the squalor
choking them; surviving
between battered cushions,
their backs streaked in black
and blue.
And leaping from those haggard cushions,
rotted wood gave way;
from upended floorboards, a screech;
eyes widened--
a million
writhing
worm tails—
Rat nest in our apartment.
For the umpteenth time
she yanked me back
For the very first time she bruised me.
Black.
Eyes widened—
a soft hand withdrawn,
but some bruises never left
with the rats.
Plopping softly on that sunken sofa,
atop those matted, tatted cushions
I remember sibling eight.
The memory of his silence,
a deafening explosion of lifelessness,
forever woven
into the fabric of that haunting sofa.
That haunting, stained sofa.
Leeching life from our apartment.
Now smudged with rouge,
I remember that dusty sofa.
An endless torrent of black and blue
and me,
her little helper.
Never without her little helper.
Her bruises never gone,
never hidden behind her mask,
never invisible
with the rats.
About the Creator
Mackenzie Davis
“When you are describing a shape, or sound, or tint, don’t state the matter plainly, but put it in a hint. And learn to look at all things with a sort of mental squint.” Lewis Carroll
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Compelling and original writing
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Where's the Glory?
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By Cathy Schieffelin6 days ago in Humor
Comments (27)
Congratulations!!! ❤️
I like the constant repetition through this, and how the initial black and blue mention straight away makes you think of bruises. The sofa and rats come back time and again, and the counting of siblings is clever. It's yucky, but in a realistic way:/ Here's to the win!👏👏
Congrats Mackenzie❤️
Congratulations on a worthy win, Mackenzie!
Wow! Brought me to a place I don’t want to ever be. Well done.
Wow lady! I’ve not really been on here much lately then I return and find ..THIS! All my words seem to change into exclamation marks lol. This is haunting and evocative in what’s left unsaid. It’s actually too well written because it actually broke my heart (you have to stop doing that dammit 🫣). Congratulations for your well deserved win Mackenzie 🥰
Circling back around to say congrats First F*cking place Mackenzie!!!! 🎉 So proud of you!!!
Super Congrats to you, Mackenzie!!! I loved that the couch was the center of attention. It almost felt haunted and affected the minds of everyone living there in different ways! So happy for you!!!! 🥇🍻
Mackenzie I have no words. This was incredible, simply riveting Your skill inspired a great deal of awe and jealousy and I’m so happy that you’ve been really cleaning up in these challenges lately! Congratulations on your win! It is so so so well deserved! 🎉
a wonderful and evocative piece ❤️ congratulations
Haunting but written so beautifully. A poem that surely will remain with me. Congratulations on your win, Mackenzie!🥳
Well hot-diggidy, fucking Queen Mackenzie takes the winning spot. This was stunning, sublime and several other s words. Stirred me and left me feeling emotional. Congrats my friend. Always knew you were a superstar in waiting. Glad to see Vocal has agreed.
Your poem reminds me of how hints of love can transmute pain. Beautifully written. 🌿
A haunting description of a very personal experience…thank you for sharing.
Wooohooooo congratulations on your win! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
Looks like someone's going to need to make another addendum to their bio for Paul's Vocal poetry anthology 👏👏
Congratulations!
Oh my gawd I’m so glad you won this one, Mackenzie!! Great job!!
Great poetry! Congratulations on the win!!🎉🎉🎉
Wow. Just amazing. A well-deserved win! Congrats!
Congratulations, that opening hits the reader immediately.
If I had not read your A/N I would have thought this autobiographical with how vivid and strong it is. Congratulations on your win!
A/N: I wrote this eight years ago in college. I haven't read it for a long time, and this challenge made me go back to it. I'm surprised my imagination came up with something so dark at only nineteen, considering I grew up in a very different household! If I remember correctly, I was practicing imagery, creating something that feels real, communicates a lot about the narrator and their life without being overt in prosaic description, and that centers around a single image. (In this poem, that's the sofa, but you could say the rats too; more secondary, though, imo.) I thought going back to such an old piece of mine would be very cringey and would single itself out as a no-go for publishing here on Vocal, but I actually still like it. So, here it is. I put a trigger-warning just because it does have dark imagery. Thank you for reading!
There's something so jarring about the darkness of this one, the poignantly placed words and timing in the line breaks! So well done Mackenzie!!
Oh this was something, my heart was racing - beating faster with every line break. There is scrumptious imagery, haunting in its telling, telling in it's restraint. Can't believe this is not your recent work, there is so much skill and expertise throughout. The repetition in places, the choice to centre it around a central image, a focal point from where the story literally emanates, nah, reeks. Richly atmospheric. P.S. I've missed reading your work.