I Never Was

I look around and wonder: does anyone see me?

Does anyone feel me?

Does she?

There is nothing to prove that I am beheld let alone held.

This is the natural way of things.

And that’s okay

By me.

What does it matter what she thinks of me

And what does it matter if she does not

Think of me at all?

Either way I am still here, sparing another thought of her—

Sparring another thought of her.

And I will grapple with these thoughts

As long as the autumn leaves are here—

Oh wait, now it’s Spring.

Last year’s leaves have all rotted away under the snow

And the snow has melted away under the sun

And the mud that’s left behind will soon bear Spring flowers.

And the flowers will make me think of her too.

But as I breath the springtime air

There is one true thing I know:

I am just a skeleton

With some fat on it

And some gristle.

When the worms chew away the meat of me and when time grinds my bones to dust

I will still be as I ever was:

A bit of ash, fluttering through the cosmos.

What will I be?

I will finally be still.

***

Author’s note:

I recenty tried some silent meditation. But I could not quiet my own thoughts of a woman I knew in passing several years ago.

I’ll probably continue to think of her as long as I live.

How absurd.