I Need You

It appears that it’s fear that I’m under

It’s clear that I’m not here but some where I appear.

I wonder.

See it’s anxiety that comes out of no where

When I’m under.

I disappear like smoke into the air.

It’s not fair but I can’t pout.

In a bout with the man in mirror and I can’t knock him out.

Stuck in like I’m on punishment and I can not come out.

Steady acknowledging my inner child like I see you king.

I don’t think you hear me clearly.

I’ve been up so many mountain tops just to end in valleys.

Hospitalized dealing with so many hospital lies in fear you wouldn’t make it through.

Thinking of all theses years starting to reappear.

Now the pains over taken with its stake in you.

Taught me times a limited illusion but when your times near your mindset can’t rewind what’s meant to be.

Growing up looking up to you mistaken you for some type of hero with no weakness.

Blindness had me overlooking your humanness like you were to strong to some day break in two.

Tears streamed from eyes the day I felt my presence was a waste to you.

There wasn’t nothing I could do to help recalibrate your balance.

To see someone break down is a challenging.

The mind is a beautiful thing to waste but with no outlet for pressure to maintain the weight causes a brain to quake.

You’ve taught me to workout some of the stress before I suffer from weight gained.

You’ve taught me to be open and vocal because change awaits.

Daily I shake when I put my foot on the brake still struggling while I’m hustling independently trying to find the roots.

So I can pull them out and plant new seeds.

I’ll be damn if these weeds damage me or keep me from fulfilling and creating the dynamic my family needs.

A hunter but I feel hunted.

A gather still reaching in fields that don’t fulfill passion.

Delusional, when you asking for shit but action is sit.

Passive as shit like magics legit.

Plights keep cracking its whip leaving me scarred.

When you trying and realize triumph is hard.

Faith becomes shaky when you start to see your beliefs a facade.

I need you my God.