I’m barely here

I wonder why I do this, my feelings hurt again. Let the tears flow and drop off my chin. My mind is goin crazy how can i love him this much. To let him abuse me mentally emotionally and such. It’s like I hate him but I love him at same time. Or like his brings life into me at same time I feel I’m dyin. I tell him to go but want him to stay And get made at him when he chooses either way. Sometimes he shows he cares and good it makes me feel But I’m my mind I’m questioning ‘why what the deal’. Once trust is broke Its hard to get it back And that’s exactly what’s got us where we are at. Cause none wants to be around accusing all the time Or deal with someone’s self pity and depressed all the time