I Broke Up With The Moon

A recent text exchange between me and the moon

Hey.

Oh, hey Derek, nice to know you're alive.

Don't be like that.

Like what? You ghosted me.

You were waning crescent and it was cloudy

I couldn't see you.

I hung out in daytime.

Don't blame it on the wane.

Were you spending time with

the sun -

that slut?

"Oh look at me, everyone

I'm the center of the solar system."

So stuck up.

Are you on your cycle?

Yes, you dullard.

I'm on my lunar cycle.

I'm always on my lunar cycle.

I'm the moon.

Selene.

Chandra.

The Midnight Diamond.

You remember when you used to call me Chandra?

I remember.

Derek, call me Chandra again.

No.

I have to tell you something.

Oh wow.

You're breaking up with me, aren't you?

Are you seeing someone else?

That's not the point.

Is it Venus? That whore?

She would take on an asteroid field.

You know they call her "Venereal Venus, right?"

Have fun with that.

I just need some space.

Space? A little astronomical humor, Derek?

No.

You're seeing Pluto, aren't you?

I'm not seeing Pluto.

She's been hooking up with random guys ever since

they told her she's not a "real planet."

I heard she let a satellite enter her atmosphere.

A satellite! Can you imagine?

You sound like a lunatic.

Oh, "lunatic." I get it.

Some monk in the middle ages thinks

intermittent insanity comes from the

cycles of the moon and I'm forever associated

with insanity. Whatever.

Sorry I brought it up.

Did you use an egg for the poem's photo?

A hard boiled egg actually.

Why a photo of an egg

on a poem dedicated to the queen of the night sky?

Would a photo of me be too painful for you?

Are you obsessed with me, Derek?

Like that wanton William Wordsworth. He wrote about me all the time.

And

YOU

are

NO

William Wordsworth.

Really? Well, the photo is an egg because

a hard boiled egg has a better personality

than you.

I hate you.

Oh, poor blue moon

always waxing

and waning

and whining, complaining.

Grow up.

I'm calling Mars.

You can't stand Mars.

You called him the toxic orange.

Mars calls me his Midnight Pearl.

Goodbye Derek.

Moon - wait...

<<MESSAGE NOT READ>>

*********************************************************************

(2:10 a.m. - later that night)

Hey.

Hey.

I see you up there.

You have that Pink Moon hue.

It's Strawberry Moon, thank you.

You can't play with my heart like that.

You don't have a heart.

You're metal and rock.

Like Metallica.

Don't be so literal.

And I'm more Evanescence than Metallica.

I'm sorry Moon

for all of it.

I want you back.

My Chandra.

My Selene.

My sexy gibbous queen.

I don't know Derek.

At least you're TRYING for rhymes, but

I'm in conjunction with Mars now and

you know what that means...

I'm keeping my options open.

I'm a new moon now.

**********************************************************************

Had fun with this one. Hope you enjoy the levity.