How to Disappear In the Digital Age

You want to disappear?

I did too

It’s much easier than you think:

First, sign up for social media

Friend everyone you know

But never talk to them—

NEVER talk to them—

Just drop a like or an emoji

Or maybe a “happy b-day”

Then get a job online

But do only the minimum to stay hired

Never stand out—

NEVER stand out—

And don’t you dare excel

Or make new friends

And if you do, just add them to social media

And repeat step one

Thirdly, get all your groceries online

And do not order alcohol—

Do NOT order alcohol—

Or else you’ll have to sign

And signing means contact

The opposite of disappearing

Fourth, do not go outside—

Do NOT go outside—

Outside is the devil’s playground

And too visible for the disappearing

Finally, lose the last person you trust

It doesn’t matter how

Lose contact

Lose trust

Lose them

It doesn’t matter how

Lose the last person you trust

And you’ll disappear forever

Into the Digital Age