He Turned To Me

He turned to me

When he was lonely

When he wanted to share

His thoughts and his heart

He turned to me

My phone is full of years of texts

I have an email folder full of emails

From the man you thought was yours

But sweetie, you may have fooled the town

And your friends and family

Into thinking he adored only you

And although he cared for you

It was caring painted with obligation, sadness

And pity

I promise, we never took it

Beyond words and phone calls

Yes, there was longing and desire

And late at night when his soul was troubled

When you turned your back on his affection

When you could not even muster a goodnight kiss and hug

He turned to me, not you

We pretended we were just good friends

But looking back, clearly

It was so much more

And yes, he confessed he was in love with me

Even though he loved you

He cared for you and worried about your future

You made yourself so dependent on him

And his bank accounts, credit cards and material things

But your neediness and arrogance embarassed him

He couldn’t leave you

You would not have survived

He knew you never loved him for his soul

You never listened to his soul

His emotions made you impatient and uncomfortable

So, he turned to me for that

And he listened to me too

You pretended to be supportive

But it was more about self-preservation

And pretension

Not true caring

I hope you never find the texts, emails

Or check his phone records

Now that he is gone

It no longer matters

You could have been such a better partner

You could have been a better wife

You could have been a better mother

To those little boys whose lives you damaged

You could have not been so selfish

You could have allowed yourself to love

Instead of just wanting your material and narcissistic needs met

Instead, he turned to me

For years, he turned to me

He turned to me

He turned to me

He turned to me

He turned to me

He turned to me

He turned to me

He turned to me

And now from the darkness of the other side

He still turns to me

- Julie O'Hara

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