have you ever so strongly felt that your own purpose here had nothing to do with receiving love from others, and only giving…

A penny just dropped and has been echoing through my space

recently i’ve been wondering around in this particularly sinking and liberating maze

I get caught in a daze so i must be brave

because at least i can sometimes get out of its gaze

but once the sirens have called

and I can no longer ignore

I seem to find myself trapped once again

i sink but i

overstand

innerstand

understand

all at once

it usually comes in the bursts of my future & past self experiences

what i know to be true as well all the things I feel blooming

the uncomfortableness and the appreciation drifting together in a glass bottle bobbing above the fish

a sinking and liberating feeling

so

have you ever so strongly felt that your own purpose here had nothing to do with receiving love from others, and only giving…

she used to think that she didn't need love back in return.

I tricked that poor unfortunate soul

into believing

there was no time or importance in her receiving

that her mission here is to give so much

love so much

care so much

hug so much

starve of that energy

and deprive herself of her own nurturing nutrients

surely you’ll get sick

that poor unfortunate beautiful soul

I believed it so hard

so I repelled love even harder

how then is the penny only dropping now

I need, want, deserve this treasure

receiving

giving back

to self

first and foremost

what's so funny is

she hadn't recognised that

focusing on her self love will go unrecognised

with such a limiting beliefs

of what she deserves back in return

so here I am

in the maze

that moment before the universe snaps it’s finger

but the finger hasn’t yet snapped .

a couple days after writing this, I felt that first snap happen within, I laughed and cried simultaneously, after being treated with such lack and flippancy I slightly tore back a screaming self who has been buried inside and is starting to crawl out of me

I'm excited to meet her, you should be too.

I can feel and see her. i am her. I just need some more bibbity bobbity boos.