My intention came from compassion, love and care...
Because you were struggling with age day after day.
The light and joy that once filled you was now rare...
Still, the pain and guilt I feel now, nothing will wash away.
Your journey to your last breath should have been calm...
They said it would be free from fear... only peace.
Your loyalty to me made you fight, determined to protect "mom"...
Visions of that moment haunt me, the nightmare will never cease.
Instead of drifting into sleep, you fought so hard....
Determined to stay because of my tears and pain.
Instead of my last memories being of you happily running in the yard...
I'm tormented with visions of you fearful, confused as death entered your vein.
Every time I close my eyes all I see is you struggling against goodbye...
I tried to reassure you that you were a "good boy" repeating "I love you" until the end.
Still, you kept fighting to stay by my side as I felt your fear asking me "why?"
Now I'm haunted by the knowledge that in your last moments, you felt betrayal that I can never mend.
I'm so sorry, this guilt I have will forever linger in my mind...
I just wanted to compassionately free you from your guilt and pain.
Now, all I have are nightmares of your death feeling far from kind...
As endless tears from devastation and guilt run down like torrential rain.
They promised it would be painless, easy, peaceful and free from fears...
But they didn't know how strong you were, determined to stay.
Nightmares of your struggling last breathes will forever echo in my ears...
Visions of my failure at easing your goodbye will haunt me every single day.
Forever this will be my final memory of you...
Something that the sands of time will never erase.
I hope you know this wasn't ever something I wanted to do...
This wasn't the way I wanted to share our last embrace.
Forever you will be my "good boy" no matter what...
Forever my heart will be broken by this loss and pain.
Your last moments forever stabbing me in the gut...
I will always love you more than words can ever explain.
© 2025 Luna Verity
About the Creator
Luna Verity
I've been in love with the written word since my youth. Forever the starving writer, therefore tips are greatly appreciated ♥
I am omnisexual & happily polyamorous.
Author. Freelancer. Witch. Herbalist. Reiki Master. Diviner. ♥
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