Five minutes to midnight.
not really okay but not falling apart either.
Five minutes to midnight
and I’m thirsty
not for water
for sugar
but I won’t give in
because that’s what discipline looks like now
sitting in the heat
wishing for something sweet
and choosing nothing
the fan is useless
the night is heavy
and I’ve got too many names in my head
too many people
too many little red hearts
I scroll past poems and pain
and I want to care about all of it
I do
but I’m just so tired
not sleepy tired
just done
done in the way where talking to yourself feels like work
where even kindness
even showing up
costs more than it should
I see people hurting
people posting and waiting
and I know I should say something back
but I’ve said too much already
and now I’ve got nothing left
not because I don’t care
but because I can’t split myself into a thousand pieces
I think about them all
and it just makes me feel worse
I’m sorry if I missed your post
I’m sorry if I didn’t reply
I’m sorry if I looked away
it wasn’t you
it’s just
me
trying to survive
and be kind
and not vanish completely
Background:
I wrote this because at the moment I am just really tired. The kind of tired where everything feels like too much, even the good stuff. I’d been seeing a lot of people online talking about how unsupported they feel, especially writers, and I understood it. I also feel guilty, because I want to show up for people. I want to read everything they write. I want to be someone they can count on. But the truth is I follow too many people, and I’m overwhelmed.
I’m not ignoring anyone on purpose. I’m not detached. I’m just drained. I wrote this to let that truth breathe for a minute.
It’s not pretty. It’s not edited. But maybe someone else out there feels the same way, and maybe this tells them they’re not alone.
🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹
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About the Creator
Cathy (Christine Acheini) Ben-Ameh.
https://linktr.ee/cathybenameh
Passionate blogger sharing insights on lifestyle, music and personal growth.
⭐Shortlisted on The Creative Future Writers Awards 2025.
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More stories from Cathy (Christine Acheini) Ben-Ameh. and writers in Poets and other communities.
Comments (6)
Thought this was absolutely spot on and honest. I feel like everything is a bit too much at the moment. Excellent poem and I hope you’re taking some time out for yourself.
You're right. Following so many people came be overwhelming... I wish we did have the ability to divide our attention to reach everyone we care to reach out to. But unfortunately, that is not the case. And it is more than okay to take a break from it all. Great poem by the way. I felt it.
🫂
You should always take a break every now and then. I totally understand that overwhelmed feeling as I too feel that way sometimes. Sending you lots of love and hugs ❤️
From the very beginning I knew not to put that sort of unrealistic goal on myself of reading everything that everybody has written. It is impossible. You shouldn’t feel guilty for the amount of reading you are able to do. If someone is upset at you for not reading their works - that is on them. Remember you are only human and you can not possibly be everything to everybody and you should not put that expectation on yourself - that is neither realistic or kind to yourself. What I do is if I notice that I am reading someone’s stories and they are not reciprocating then I stop reading their works. I focus on reading the works of those that are supporting me. I also keep the field even meaning that I generally put out one story per week so I will read one story per week from those that support me. If it is poems maybe I will read two of your poems. Plus I will read your most current piece in order to help get you on the leaderboard. Lastly, I take breaks throughout the week - maybe two or three days where I am not on Vocal at all. Being obsessed with anything to the point of exhaustion is just not good nor is it admirable. Sometimes I even take as much as an entire week or two off. I do not always have to be on Vocal or social media every single day. Make yourself #1 in your life and take care of you first then after that the rest will fall in place. Taking care of yourself is not an active selfishness but an active intelligence. Thank you very much for sharing your feelings here. I admire that you are able to let yourself be vulnerable and let people know what’s on your mind. I wish you well.
Yes, we are feeling unseen, unpaid. Not nice. Bill and earning not matching.