Feelings After Pain

Numb! hot! never cold enough, want to feel something but do not feel the love.

No matter how much support is giving no matter how much care and love is giving , get back less than that.

Get back

Get back !!!

Numb but can still feel the tears the ache, the body that ache, my body say no more drugs no more toxic liquids to numb out the pain or to forget the pain and bad thought no more no more , no matter how bad you want it the body reject it more and more that it weakens you it scares you.

Try hard to feel and deal with nothing now your force to deal with something.

Scream Scream yell yell cry cry to feel something other than what your feelings.

This is more than boredom, wanting to live for something but not living for nothing. The head is light , the chest aches for so much heaviness not just from the boobs that always seem to move but stay, but from the things I do not know but have seen and known.

Ewww to the reflection in the mirror Why why, I cant feel myself everyday why must I not believe that I am perfect to me why so much hate to me , EWWW they are to big their heavy they make my body ache, why so big and from the side so loose why so wide , EWWW on often days.

My best days I'm feeling myself rarely, I am beautiful, they might be big but they do look good , other girls look forward to having them after surgery after surgery, my body is so beautiful I'm so beautiful

Da** slightly why am I trying to convince myself i'am shut up i'am all of this and more [ convincing: I love me, I love me more than them i love me more than I love them.

I can be first it's no way that I'm last

Do that make me selfish???

I am beautiful right?

I am smart right?

Why am I crying, why do it hurt when I ask?

You do love me right?

Am I strong even when I am sensitive and emotionally ?

Am I to emotionally?

Am I weak ?

Am I easy?

Why?

Would it be easy to be cold and emotionless?

The new pain relief is self-inflicted pain , ohhh my the relief of the mental pain for a different pain.

Unhealthy feelings unhealthy pain neither is good ( this is not good!!!! Don't do it Don't do it!!

Even if you miss the pain the relief that pain gave, no pain should be worth this pain!!

To my reflection in this mirror I need to feel something different I'm so sorry for been so lost in this pain forgive me for hurting you and feeling relieved, I'm sorry that I'm not there yet to give you the love you deserve from us I will do better for you for me for I for us.

Know deep deep down beyond this i love us i have to, i got to know that i have to believe that ,i can feel that it's not just lust ,i will be better i can be better I'Am better than before.

The more i believe the more i'm in-love

Self love!!!