Exhausted

Meanwhile, I'm mentally exhausted,

but I have to do more.

I have to always answer questions;

I have to do more.

I am painfully physically exhausted,

but I am asked to do this.

I am terribly tired, but I cannot sleep,

for I am asked to do that.

Believe me, I am beyond exhausted.

I cannot easily recover yet.

My life is a game, played by others,

yet everyone still wants a turn playing.

My emotions run rampant, always on high speed,

like a scared herd in the safari,

scared by a prowling and pouncing predator,

they're now running, running, running.

But I cannot halt them.

I cannot stop their running, their rampage.

They hold control over me;

I am being dragged by a tight rope.

Remember the rope?

It's happening all over again.

But it isn't me pulling it anymore,

it's their turn.

It's their turn with

the escalating, unregulated emotions;

the stinging struggles, overwhelming me so;

the countless questions, never ceasing.

There is no regulation.

There are only struggles and questions.

There is no relaxation.

There is only fucking frustration.

You have to give up at this point,

they'll never change their ways.

You have to give up at this point,

accept them or leave them.

What if I don't want to do either?

I sincerely do not want to do that.

I do not like those thoughts,

I want those thoughts to change.

There is a part of me -- many -- that knows

that they won't, they'll never...

But there's still that part that holds on.

I changed for them, why can't they?

Can I not have a conversation with them?

If you don't listen, I will leave,

there is no coming back,

and if I do, you are not my family.

Personally, I have always wanted to do that,

to kick them to the curb of my life.

However, just like that rustling rampage,

with me being dragged behind,

every time I try to leave,

they come rampaging towards me.

"Why did you leave? What did we do wrong?!"

Then I answer, then I get told:

Grudges, grudges, grudges;

We did not do that ever!;

I hope you are able to find peace;

I hope you can forgive us.

Yes, I do. Yes, you did. No, I cannot.

I struggle every single day because of you.

Because of you.

Because of what you did.

Truthfully, I am tired.

I am mentally drained.

I am in physical pain.

I am exhausted.